DH taking photo of baby's birth certificate

[NCforbabyname]

What are the possible reasons for this?

This is our second DC and things aren't great. I'm snapping here and there because it's taken me back to with our first. He's leaving a lot of the baby care to me unless I ask him. Conversations might go 'can you hold the baby whilst I have a bath/do this or that', baby will cry and he tries shushing the baby but not considering if it's a hunger cry or check/change the nappy on his own accord. The same about keeping on top of cleaning around the home. He does have his positives but those have been pushing my buttons. I then got a notification that he'd backed up a photo of the baby's photo to storage we share.

Congratulations and sorry!
Going from 1 to 2 kids is a massive adjustment and it’s normal to struggle.
Have you tried talking to H about being more helpful? Or - can you outsource some of the domestic chores?
It will get better, but for now it’s a matter of surviving these hard early days.

Why are you worried about the birth certificate photo? It’s normal to keep copies of documents.

Is he doing some life admin - applying for something that would need a copy? Maybe child benefit, nursery, adding to health insurance etc? Or is he just organised to have a copy of important docs like that saved to the cloud.

He has never done either which is why this is strange. I generally do all the life admin.

I have spoken to him about the support but I end up shouting as he pull faces, eye rolls, etc. and does not respond at all which annoys me more. I've told him these things are two way conversations which can be civil discussions but he continues to do it which makes me think he's now continuing to do it on purpose and doesn't really want to change anything.

If he is planning anything sneaky like leaving, it could be to claim benefits?

Otherwise, I can't think of any reason he'd need a photo of a birth cert when he can order a paper copy or use the original.

If things are as bad as you say, it is probably best you sit down and talk. Ask him outright why he did it and try to really communicate.

It doesn’t matter, it’s not more yours than his you are both the parents, you do know anyone is entitled to get a birth certificate of any person they want to they are public records, he could buy one it’s not owned by you.

(As a sweeping statement) men tend to not be as in tune with kids’ needs as women. Even the very best of them will stand shushing a kid for a good few minutes longer than a mother would before tending their needs. They also put their clothes on back to front and forget to brush their hair and teeth far more often than women. They also seem to figure out a kid is sick/has a fever a good day so so after the mum does.

the real issue is do you like him, do you love him?

You're focussing on a problem that isn't one. There is no sinister reason for a phoneshot of his own child's BC that isn't even usable for any bureaucratic purpose.

He can obtain any number of usable legal copies of the BC at any time for any reason or none at all.

Lots of men are cack-handed with new babies; ranting and criticising him won't help. My DH's early attempts were excruciating (he and the baby both cried ) but I knew he loved the child and was trying his best and let them work it out together. He was an absolutely wonderful hands-on Dad but even after 4 and years of practice his techniques were never like mine.

I end up shouting as he pull faces, eye rolls, etc. and does not respond at all which annoys me more. I've told him these things are two way conversations which can be civil discussions but he continues to do it which makes me think he's now continuing to do it on purpose and doesn't really want to change anything.

It sounds as if you're shouting from your pulpit like some crazed evangelist ranting to the sinners.

…so you had one baby with him, and he wasn’t good with childcare - so you chose to have a second with him, and thought it would be different because …. ???

I know he's allowed it! We have multiple copies for that very reason, he could just take one if he wanted to. I just wondered if it can be used for anything if he were to leave? So if he took a pic as opposed to take a copy, maybe he'd think it won't rouse any suspicion from me noticing it's missing (but forgetting I see the backups)?

A bit of a drip feed, I thought he was cheating on me a while back for good reasons (a previous thread confirmed it was fair to think it with the circumstances at hand). One circumstance was explainable but not everything.

I completely forgot he's not great with young babies, it's been quite a while but I'm having flashbacks to exactly the same conversations. It's just now we have an older child too. He's much better now DC1 is older and is a good parent (I'd say there's some forgetting to brush teeth now and then, not realising DC1 is sick, etc., as mentioned by pp but that's it).

I probably am coming across crazed. I'm very sleep deprived and still taking on the role of main parent. Need a bath? DC1 comes in and hangs out (DH aware but leaves DC1 to it), DH then comes in too up in arms not sure what's wrong with baby. DC1 hurt themselves? I'm left to sort it whilst there is a baby hanging from my boob before having to explain to DH why I think that might be unfair and point out he can help with DC1. The fact is, if you're trying to explain what you need from a relationship in terms of support and your partner is rolling eyes and ignoring you, whilst sleep deprived, can you not see how someone might be snappy?

Just ask him why he took it? His face will tell you what you need to know. Either there's a super obvious normal reason or his face and mannerisms will be cagey/defensive and you'll have an idea what you're up against.

I just wondered if it can be used for anything if he were to leave? So if he took a pic as opposed to take a copy, maybe he'd think it won't rouse any suspicion from me noticing it's missing (but forgetting I see the backups)?

A photograph is useless.

A photocopy or colour scan would probably more useful. Even then when I looked at opening a savings account for my DD every institution wanted to see an original.

Also as PPs said, as you well know, it is very easy to get a copy of the certificate and indeed anyone else's certificate.

His employer might accept or even specifically request a digital copy to vouch for paternity leave or benefits. The only sinister interpretation I can imagine is that he intends to take a couple of weeks leave without telling you - e.g. to spend 2 weeks out the house and on the golf course during his normal working hours.