Struggling mum.

[AMQ00004]

I’m really struggling at the moment. I was in a relationship with my child’s father on and off for years.

recently things were good between us, so good that someone at our sons birthday party thought we we’re together. He made sexual jokes and was overly friendly and flirty sending me pictures of me and our son telling me they were his favourite pictures ever. And out of the blue about a week later he has told me he is seeing someone and is wanting to introduce our son to them doing all the things he never wanted to do with me. We aren’t together and we’ve had a rocky past. He lied, he made me feel so bad about myself that I didn’t take photographs of my own face for about six years because he joked about my forehead being big.

All of this and a combination of other things ( an extremely stressful job where I dealt with terrible things) a career change, the passing of my brother and granda, the breakdown of my parents marriage, financial worries amongst other things have meant that I have reached breaking point and have recently admitted to my family that my mental health is in decline. Ive contacted the dr and made steps to help myself. I’m a strong person who has always just gotten on with things but the thoughts I have had, have left me with enormous guilt because I have the most amazing child. I don’t know if I should tell my ex about my cure t mental health struggles or if that is something I need to keep to myself?

I feel so lost. Any advice would be great.

thank you,
A

Oh dear, it does sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.

From what you've said about your ex, I wouldn't tell him about your mental health issues because it sounds as though he might use them against you. (thinking about the personal remarks for example). How did your family react when you told them, were they supportive?

Don’t tell him anything and don’t let him be involved in your life any more than absolutely necessary, he doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Turn your focus away from him completely.

Reach out to friends, be your own best friend and get the support you need in a healthy way from people who actually care about you. I’m sorry for your losses and your struggles.

It sounds like your ex has contributed to your problems and the only way he can be part of the solution is to keep him at arm's length and do not share your problems with him. The experience at the party sounds cruel as he already had a new partner. It sounds like you have a lot going on, which most of us would also struggle with, Hopefully your strength returns and you can get through this period, which will pass, and discover a positive future free from the ex.

He's part of the problem, stop expecting him to improve things. Get as much support as you can, from anyone but him. He's not your friend.

I agree with others. He doesn't sound like a safe source of support.

He doesn't need to know your medical details unless there's something that affects him directly (like "Can you look after DS on X days as I have medical appointments then").

Best wishes and it's great you're looking after yourself.

Your ex has been emotionally abusing you which often causes MH problems.

Distance yourself from him and your MH will likely improve.

Don't tell him. He will probably use that to further abuse you.

Thank you so much for your replies.

I think I knew the answer myself, but it's hard sometimes when your so upset to know its the right thing to do. I'm glad I came here and explained how I feel instead of turning to him in a moment of weakness.

Amy x

I've been here!! Pretty much the same!

Him going hot and cold and feeding crumbs is painful and you can't let go. Him having someone else feels heartbreaking and like a rejection

But.... this will set you free!!! It will give you closure and the space to be you for you and your little one! Parent with him but close the door on the rest of your life to him.