Bit of a long story here but I'll do my best.
My partner and I were together for 6 and a half years and have 2 kids together, we both have a child from a previous relationships, none of which stayed with us, her son stayed with his dad and my son stayed with his mum.
About a year ago, she decided she wanted her son to come live with us, I wasn't too thrilled about the idea, as he was 9 and I felt it wasn't going to end well. I was also in a job that was making me miserable so I left and started a new job which I am still at.
So her son came and we got through Christmas, but her depression was making me miserable at home, I was starting to feel like an uninvited guest In my own home, so decided at the turn of the year to move into my mums and have a break from our relationship. I felt like she had her happiness, and I didn't feel included in that once her son came.
This is where it gets complicated, my son from my previous relationship was having problems with his mum (my ex), and he decided to move to my mums (his gran) as well, based on the thought that I would get my own house and he would come stay with me.
My partner and I started seeing eachother again, while staying in separate houses and things were going better than ever.
Then everything seemed to happen all at once, I got a house, her dad got offered a new build house, which he took and her son decided he was going to go back to his dad's dad's live.
My partner had to deal with most of dad's housing issues (new build, new street, not registered anywhere) and help him get set up.
During this time period she decided to end our relationship (About 6 weeks ago). She said she can't forgive me for leaving and she was making excuses for me all those previous months.
We still hung out, done things, I stayed over a few times (slept in the kids room) but she was so nice to me and told me she still loves me and likes spending time with me. And she had a twinkle in her eye everytime I was there.
I decided to stop hanging out with her as I felt it wasn't fair on me that we were no longer together, but we were acting like we were, with just a "ban" on sex. She has stayed in contact with me, even when I have told her not to, and sometimes even messages me late at night, and she even gave me her disney plus log in (I never asked for it) bonus.
I have asked her if we are finished for good, her reply was "I have nothing to say about this"
She has recently told me she is in a very dark and horrible place and needs me to give her space, which I accepted nicely and we stopped talking.... For about 20 hours....
She called me less than 24 hours after requesting space which I wasn't too thrilled about. At the end of her story she was telling me, I said "can I go back to giving you space now" she said OK bye. About an hour later, it was bugging me that she was basically telling me not to call or text her, but less thsn 24 hours later it was OK for her to call me. So I proceeded to text her and tell her this wasn't fair on me.
Her messages have been very confusing recently, she has told me "she doesn't want me to wait for her" but in the same message tells me "to wait if I want" and "I don't think I will forgive you" Then "I might forgive you I might not"
I understand she has had a lot on her plate in the past few months, and I understand that I've not made the situation any easier by not being there full time, but I honestly don't know whether I'm coming or going.
She has told me she needs to sort out her own problems, she sees a therapist, and said she didn't realise how messed up she was until her last therapist session. She wants to work on herself, as she doesn't know what's right and what's wrong, and what she wants and doesn't want. And only when she figures that out she will understand where she stands in relation to us.
What do you make of this?
Any help, advice or another perspective would be great. As it's eating away at me.