Didn't get the vibes on date.

[onlinedatingnightmare]

I met a guy for a date and he said all the right things, suggested a second date within 20minutes, and said I was beautiful etc. Asked me to let him know I got home ok, which I did, and he said he enjoyed it and would like to do it again. The thing is, I am not sure I genuinely believe his interest. He seemed quite flat and inattentive on the date, there wasn't a lingering look, or any flirting. I genuinely thought he wasn't interested. Not sure why I am posting. It all feels a bit weird. Anyone else experience similar?

Yes, I had a first date with a guy I met on OLD and he was nice, went fine but I left feeling that that would be it as no flirting or mention of seeing me again and was shocked later that evening when he messaged to say he enjoyed the date and would like to see me again! We ended up dating for 5/6 months.

Another first date with a guy I had been chatting to a lot over a couple of weeks, he was quite quiet, didn't give me much eye contact but it turned out he was just v nervous as really liked me and we have been together 3 years!

Tbf I think we know when other peoples hearts aren't actually in it. Sure, it could be nerves. Or it could be that he isnt actually that into you. Maybe figures he might get a shag somewhere down the line I he carries on though. Or it could be he just wants to try a second time on the off chance he decides he likes you better.

If your not feeling it though, or your gut tells you they aren't (or that they are being dishonest with their words) you don't need hìs permission not to see him again.

Flat and inattentive....feels a bit weird.

Never mind that he has requested more of your company, I don't get any sense here that you'd actually be interested in a second date?!

Sack him off and find someone who doesn't leave you in any doubt, your gut is your friend on this one.

I feel for the chap. He was interested enough to know that you got home safely, and probably did not want to go over the top on the date. I suggest see what transpires from here. There is nothing worse than someone who has hands all over you (it happens) within hours of meeting.

But if you didn't enjoy the date (it doesn't sound like you did , and who could blame you) then why would you want to see him again?

His sparkling wit?

Are you interested? Accepting a second date shouldn’t simply be based on whether he wants it - if you weren’t particularly taken with him then it’s completely fine, even if he does ask you out again, to say that you had a nice time but didn’t feel any chemistry and leave it at that.

If it feels weird, don't date him again. You don't need to psychoanalyse him.

Yeah I wouldn't over-analyze what he might be feeling. If you think he's worth getting to know, then try a 2nd date. If you didn't really like him, don't bother.

I wouldn't flirt or give any lingering glances on date 1 because I just don't do that stuff. I like to get to know people gradually in a straightforward friendly way before acting flirty. Maybe you're not compatible with someone like that, but keep in mind that some people move a little more slowly on that.

So don’t see him again?

unless you are actively trying to settle?

I think I would be more interested if I felt more genuine interest…

I'm not following this.... you'd be interested in him if he was interested in you? What about what you want? You're 50% of this equation!

So? 'I'd like my date more if he was x/y/z' is a pointless train of thought: he isn't.

Why are you wasting your time on thinking about his lack of interest in you?

So we went on the date on Wednesday night
He said he would like to do it again with no firm plans confirmed or discussed. N

Thursday I accidentally sent him a msg that wasn’t meant for him (thankfully it wasn’t an embarrassing msg!) and he sent me a few msgs - but nothing about meeting up. I couldn’t reply to his last two msgs as there wasn’t anything to respond to.

And haven’t heard anything today.

He’s not interested is he? Perhaps he wasn’t blown away, that’s fine, but this is slow going for me.

I've also had guys asking to meet again when there's been no hint of chemistry. Perhaps they've had no interest and happy to settle with whoever will date them.
Doesn't matter though, you aren't interested so don't keep the communication up.