Someone please give my head a wobble!

[Tulip55]

I started dating the most lovely guy 7 months ago, he is so attentive, always intouch when we aren't together, great sex, so supportive...basically everything my emotionally abusive ex isn't.

I recently dropped the L bomb and he went very quiet, followed by I think I'm falling for you too. I was a bit disappointed which I think was obvious, and we haven't brought it up since. I've had loads of moments since where I've really felt it but too scared to say it again incase he feels I'm expecting something said back..also I'm worried that he doesn't feel the same...but then all his actions and the way he is with me tell me he must care. He has told me he's not good talking about emotions though so maybe that's it.

We have made lots of future plans, holidays, Christmas with our kids etc so he must be serious about me, but I often feel insecure still.

Also, as he doesn't have a house of his own we always stay at mine so I feel like it's always up to him if we see eachother, if he comes to mine. He comes for at least half the week but I always want more and he doesn't appear to yet. I think I'm just a little bit clingy 😅 always have been...although he would never say that to me, my ex did though. I just feel like I need to see the progression somewhere to feel safe, if not with the L word then with more time spent together, as we have talked about living together eventually. I just need to chill dont I?! It's only been 7 months ffs

Yup, chill a bit during Google attachment styles if you don’t already know about them.

*and not during

Yes I'd be just stopping now if I were you, unless you want to see him heading for the hills. 7 months is a bit early for all of this heavy stuff

You risk ruining it otherwise

Be careful you are not walking into a cocklodger situation.
He doesn't have his own home. He has kids.
Do you go out and have fun together? Or does he just come to yours?

He comes for at least half the week

So he has moved in more or less?
What age are your children?
And is he contributing towards bills for the time he is there?

He doesn't feel that strongly about you, seems like he happy with the arrangement as it is, is he quite a lazy guy? just wants company and be fed half the week without giving you much emotion, you are basically letting him live with you half the week for free without any commitments.

He stays at yours for half the week, but you have only been together 7 months?

Where does he stay when he's not with you?

Does he contribute at all when he stays with you?

How d are your children?

• how old your children?

Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous abuse, are being further got at by this man now; a man who is basically now living with you half the week. Where is he the rest of the time?. I feel you are being used here by him at your overall expense.

I would also suggest you look at and enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme as this is for those who have been in abusive relationships before.
Read too about red flags in relationships and future faking.

Where does he live the rest of the time. Don't let him move in with you. I also think 7 months is too early for him to meet your DC.

He hasn't moved in as such but he is here half the week and when I say he doesn't have a house, he does but his ex lives in it and not selling for another year.
We don't stay in, we have been on trips away with and without the kids of which we both paid, meals out, drinks, exercise together.
He includes me in future plans, saying "we/us" rather than I/you, helps me round the house, brings shopping when we run out of stuff and he's on his way round, buys food at the weekends when he's staying....I really can't fault him, he's been nothing but attentive and reliable, hence why I love him and told him so, I feel very lucky to have met someone like him

Dump him. At 7 months you just know. Every minute with Mr Lukewarm is a minute you’re not with Mr Actually Loves You and Isn’t Afraid To Say It (and pays his way/brings his own assets to the relationship instead of always using yours).

What do your children think?
Are they happy to have a stranger living in their home for at least half the week every week?

At 4 months my children have meet my bf, although he's only stayed over once when they have been here.

Sounds in many ways we will be in the position you are in by the time we hit 7 months, although my partner does have his own place and kids so spending less time together.

We are yet to say the L word, even though i feel it, but it's very early days, and 7 months is also just the beginning of a relationship too! Stop rushing everything ahead, enjoy it as it is

Thank you for non judgemental comments. I feel I have done everything as well as I could up til now in regards to my kids and his. He's always here on the nights I don't have the kids, I think he's just trying to give my kids some space on some days when they are here which is probably for the best at this stage...I just get insecure sometimes like most people do, I don't want to get hurt. I will try to keep my cool and just enjoy what we have.

We didn't say I love you until 8 months in, and he took a couple more weeks to say it. It is still a young relationship, only you know how it feels. If you think he is actually in it with you but taking his time, I'd say give him it.

I think it's better to wait to hear a sincere declaration of love, than to be with the kind of man who says he loves you on the second date, then messes you around.