Can anyone recommend where to look for marriage counselling

[sparklyvelvet]

I'm at the end of my tether with my marriage. My dh has been lying over and over and then minimising the damage his lies have on us as a family. I'm exhausted from constantly pointing out his lies and him denying them. I feel like this is the end of our marriage but I would like to talk to someone with dh to ensure I'm doing the right thing because dh is lying but I can't work out what's a lie and what's the truth anymore.

Not even sure if I'm wasting my time but don't want to just leave and financially I'll be much much worse off leaving but I cannot go on like this anymore.
I've googled relationship counselling but can't seem to work out what is what. We are struggling financially but because of dh salary, relate has quoted over £200 an hour which will be too much for us right now. Are all of them this much?! One of the problems I need counselling for is he's ruined us financially and because of him I am living an awful life. I would probably be better off on my terrible salary and benefits than if I stay with him on his big salary. But I have dc who also need thinking of and it's not so easy to just leave anymore. I would leave tomorrow if there were no dc.

I don’t think marriage counselling sounds like a great idea in this situation. I’d be looking for individual therapy for you to work out how you feel independently.

I know the pain of a relationship like this. In hindsight I'm ashamed I stayed in it so long as it may not seem it but your children will be being affected. I can't begin to explain on here how awful my life was all those years but please know no matter how much your family income decreases as a result - the emotional positives outweigh it a thousand times over. I sleep through the night now.
Therapy won't help as he'll lie through that too to save face, be the hurt party etc.
Sending strength for you to get away from this emotionally abusive life and live in peace x

Thanks. I am quite sure my dc are affected. But I'm trying to weigh up the scenario in which I leave vs the current one.
I earn minimum wage part time on a zero hours contract around running everything else. Dh is very very tight. The thought of giving me any money now within the marriage pains him. He will 100% try 50:50 to avoid giving me anything.
We are renting, I won't get a rental on my salary. I earn about £700-£800 a month. From what I can work out benefits won't really help much more. The dc are in private school so it means taking them out of the one thing they enjoy, school. They also have a health condition that is currently being investigated on his health insurance so I can't just leave asap. It's all quite complicated.

Getting any money out of him is like drawing blood out of a stone. My £700 is used up on everything House/bills I have no money to myself. I haven't had my hair done since 2021 and that was once.
Im living in misery and my dc understand it and I'm quite sure they know it's him but if I split they'll also suffer.
I am trying to get a new job but he sabotages those attempts too, if I have interviews from home he'll make loads of noise. The internet cuts out when he goes on a video call as well so he does that as well. I am yet to be offered a face to face interview and no success with jobs so far.

Just trying to keep my head up, carry on. I wanted a counsellor for my own sanity to say no this isn't all in my head or maybe I'm always so angry now, so some of it is 'I don't know what's a lie and what's not anymore' A counsellor on my own would be good idea but just feel like he's ruin that too.

From what you've described, you are in an abusive relationship. You may be able to receive some form of counselling and advice from Women's Aid. I understand that you are scared to rock the boat for your children, but your mental health is the biggest predictor of positive outcomes for your children. It sounds like you will not be allowed to be mentally well whilst you are in this relationship.

How old are your children?