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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Separation advice needed

6 replies

Jewel7 · 21/09/2022 22:04

Myself and dh decided on a break a month ago. I have carried it on
and not let him back. He wants to come back wants to try etc. He had a emotional affair, lied and lied for a year before eventually admitting to it. There have been lies throughout our relationship from him. It’s like I’m looking at a different person, now I can see the truth.
But he isn’t backing down keeps promising to change. Is going counselling, joined a yoga class, going to give up smoking etc etc. it’s all a bit odd tbh.
But I don’t believe him or trust him.
My life is so much easier without him here.
He can be erratic. Paranoid. Jealous. Questions me over everything. Lack of privacy.
I need words of wisdom. Wondering how others made that break? I never thought I would be in this situation….

OP posts:
Bedazzled22 · 22/09/2022 08:31

I think you have done the right thing and need to keep moving forward and leave him behind. Cheating, lying, jealous, erratic who needs that in their life? You’d only worry he’d do it again if you took him back. Keep strong and go forward

MyDogLucy · 22/09/2022 08:53

I could have written this myself. All the promises of change etc. All I can say is listen to your gut. The fact you feel happier without him there speaks volumes. Why would you take him back and put up with all that behaviour again? You shouldn't have to, you are worth more.

LemonTT · 22/09/2022 08:58

In your OP you stated that you decided in a break. That implies a period of reflection and improvement for both of you. How long is the break for and what are rules? What do you want from the break?

From what you have written he wants to find a way to get you to move on as a couple. His behaviour is in line with that. If he doesn’t want the marriage to end (which is not the same thing as being willing to change in the way you want) he will carry on like that as long as you are on a break.

It’s up to you to end things if you want him to stop. A break implies a reunion. If that isn’t on the cards tell him unequivocally. Then stop contact unless it is about children and the divorce.

AuntieDolly · 22/09/2022 09:03

Is DH the boy's father?

AuntieDolly · 22/09/2022 09:03

Sorry, wrong thread

Catlover1970 · 22/09/2022 09:05

Jewel7 · 21/09/2022 22:04

Myself and dh decided on a break a month ago. I have carried it on
and not let him back. He wants to come back wants to try etc. He had a emotional affair, lied and lied for a year before eventually admitting to it. There have been lies throughout our relationship from him. It’s like I’m looking at a different person, now I can see the truth.
But he isn’t backing down keeps promising to change. Is going counselling, joined a yoga class, going to give up smoking etc etc. it’s all a bit odd tbh.
But I don’t believe him or trust him.
My life is so much easier without him here.
He can be erratic. Paranoid. Jealous. Questions me over everything. Lack of privacy.
I need words of wisdom. Wondering how others made that break? I never thought I would be in this situation….

Be strong and stick with the separation. If his feet get back under the table he will go
back to his old ways! Move on and be happy x

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