Is it me? Am I the problem? Lazy husband MIL blaming me!

[WtfHaveIDoneWithMyLife]

Been with my husband 15 years.

Two DC. I am disabled, wasn't disabled to begin with I ran my own business and did a degree alongside it as well as bringing up my first DC. Disability means I can no longer work and struggle to do things for myself when it flares up which is a lot.

My husband is kind to a degree, we get on and have a lot of happy memories. Husband originally worked but also had to give up work to help look after me and disabled DC.
However as the years have progressed he's gotten lazier and lazier and I find myself working myself into the ground to keep this household going.

Today he didn't get up till 2pm in the afternoon. I was up at 6.30am with DC, got them ready for school, took them to school (took me ages with a walking stick as you can imagine)
Cleaned the house which again took me ages and needed doing as I was unwell during the weekend. By 2pm I was crashing and he was just getting out of bed.
Then I picked up DC, did dinner and thought well husband is awake I can go to bed now and have a sleep as I nearly fainted in the kitchen.

No husband then goes out and leaves me to sort out washing up and sorting the kids.
By now I feel like death and that's not me being a drama Queen part of my disability effects my heart rate and I felt like I was nearly having a heart attack.

MIL pops in just as I'm about to FINALLY get into bed. Get up again.

I tell her what's happened as I'm close to tears by this point.

"It's your fault. You have let your standards slip you've been to relaxed from the very start and should of put your foot down."

IM SORRY?! This is MY fault? Is he secretly my fully grown man child I didn't know I gave birth too?

I just don't know what to do. My family don't live near by. I'm on my own. She didn't even offer to have him back at hers while he sorts his shit out.
Now I'm in bed, with my heart rate monitor going like crazy and I can't sleep because I feel like somehow this is my fault now.
How can I sort this when I have nowhere to go?!

Oh OP that sounds absolutely bloody awful!

It isn't your fault.
You should not complain to his mother about him, because she'll usually take his side.

He sounds useless

Your husband is an utter ass and you shouldn't have to ask for help, he should just do it, but, kindly, your MIL has a bit of a point. WHY are you letting him sleep in until 2pm if he doesn't work? WHY are you doing all the work? Why AREN'T you saying "Right, since you were in bed until the afternoon, you need to look after the children now, I'm not feeling well and need to go to bed."? Sit him down and spell it out. Neither of you are working, so you can both pull equal (as far as your disability allows) weight with regards to the household chores and children. He's neither use nor ornament as he is now, so he might as well rejoin the workforce and start being useful by bringing money in if he isn't going to help you in the house.

It's her fault if anything, she (failed to) bring him up to be a decent guy.

Things sound awful @WtfHaveIDoneWithMyLife I don't think he's the man for you. And could you get some help from adult (or child for your DC) social care, or hire someone using PIP?

I’m disabled too with young dc. I’ve out sourced as much as possible. Got a cleaner, put meals in a slow cooker, food shop online, it leaves me with the dc, laundry and washing up etc.
Do not get up tomorrow. When the alarm goes. Make him get up. Push him out of the bed if you have to. Call mother in law and tell her to help with dc too if necessary.

None of this is your fault.

Being disabled with young dc is extremely hard. Despite how you feel now the dc are not missing out, they understand more than we realise.

(pm me anytime.)