DP criticises if I ever spend money

[aghhhhhhhh]

NC'd as I'm very active under my usual mn name.

I have 2 young DC that aren't DP's. We live together and are a very happy family but there's one thing that is really bothering me. DP comments every time I buy anything, saying that I'm a spendaholic, have issues with money etc which isn't the case. DP's income is a lot higher than mine but we pay the bills in proportion and don't have joint accounts. So it's not like I pay for everything and DP keeps his money separate and all for himself, he contributes fairly and often buys things the DC need (without me asking him to). So he's not mean or stingy either. However, we live fairly remotely and as such, I do all of my shopping online. So DP sees ‘everything’ that I buy- but it’s not excessive, it’s the top up of makeup that’s ran out, clothes/shoes for DC if they need them, occasional book/small toy, that kind of thing. I do all of that online rather than in store and sometimes it comes in multiple packages/deliveries and as a result, probably seems more than it is. Any time anything comes, he comments saying that I’m addicted to spending, I’m a spendaholic etc. I don’t ever ask him for money as I don’t need it, I manage on what disposable income I have, which isn’t loads but I’m not in debt/overdraft and save money each month. I also don’t buy things every month but sometimes things need replaced at the same time so it’ll be nothing one month and then potentially several the next. I just get a bit upset because I’m not doing anything wrong and it’s just the normal things that people buy but online rather than in store. Can someone please tell me if I am being really silly with money or if DP is overreacting?

Sixty pairs of shoes??? What does he do? When does he wear them? Where does he store them?

My stbx is leaning now just how expensive bills are smokes as well pity he he never learned a few years ago. I might not be leaving but I am. Your husband bang out of order especially when he’s got 60 pairs of shoes and you two.

Oh my lovely you need to get out of this. Dreadful man. Get a job, start saving until you can leave. Shove his fucking shoes up his parsimonious arse.

Have you told him not to comment because it's not true and you don't like it? It would seriously piss me off if my dh did this.

You're worried to tell a man who owns sixty pairs of shoes that you just bought yourself a second pair, with your own money.

Something isn't right here, can you see?

Laugh at him if he comments, he’s a total joke. Don’t worry about what he thinks if he doesn’t comment. Seems like he is very controlling. You need a plan to get away. Why should he be ok purchasing shoes for example to the extent he does and the mother of his children is not worthy of anything.

It’s financial abuse.

I like to think I’ve got a lot of life experience and have seen a lot over the years but I’ve only recently become aware of just how many people I personally know (mainly men) who are obsessively unhealthily tight and controlling over money…and how many women just fall in line and put up with it even though it makes them miserable.

I agree with pp - tell him that you are a grown adult and what you spend is none of his business. If he continues to treat you like some silly, wasteful employee you need to think seriously if this the future you want.

Didn't think his shoes would be so important

He stores them in boxes dotted around, I don't know why he has so many and he usually varies between five pairs. He did recently say that it was a bit outrageous. But the shoes, or lack of in my case, aren't the main thing here, it's his general disapproval of me buying anything.

“ what’s it got to do with you exactly?” Would be my response followed by “ that wasn’t a rhetorical question” if he didn’t reply.

The shoes are only of relevance because they illustrate what a massive controlling hypocrite he is. Your current dilemma, how to stop him losing the plot that you've dared to order yourself a pair, should not even be an issue.

I agree with everyone else. He’s controlling.

You are already worried about telling him about the shoes. The shoes that you bought with your own money.

My hunch is this. He actually believes that you should be contributing more than you do. He sees these purchases clearly evidence that you have more than you say.

This needs to stop or the relationship should end. It is NOT a healthy dynamic to be demonstrating to your DC.

I divorced my first husband after he queried a pair of shoes ! Life's too bloody short, you're worth so much more

A girl (com) should be able to buy herself a pair of shoes without question! Tell him to mind his own and whatever else you feel like telling him.
Sheesh has he even got a titter of wit?

Shrug and say 'It's my money, to spend on things that I or my children need.' And then ignore him.

And don't marry him.

My partner rolls his eyes (he's an Amazon delivery driver 😂), and sometimes I do go a bit OTT, but he'd be the first to say it's your money, spend it how you want. It doesn't help when ds says "what packages are coming today then?"!!

I work from home though, and work my arse off - I don't have time to go to the shops. It doesn't bother me when he pulls my leg - I just pull it back because all he seems to order is car parts. But if it did bother me, and seemed more like nagging, as other posters have said, i'd tell him in no uncertain terms to wind his neck in.

Men often begin focusing on and complaining about money when theyre afraid to mention the real issue at hand.

Are you sure hes OK with your family constellation? Esp raising 2 kids tha areent his ?

Tell him to FO.
Your money to do with as you see fit.
Also end it. He won't want you supporting dsc financially either when they're older.
I was once told by dsf
" you can't buy them a kitchen ". My dds were primary school age. I ended it ...and they all lived happily ever after

I'd lay out his 60 shoes in a line against mine and say just because you used to have a shopping problem before we met doesn't mean I have one you obviously wasted loads of money in the past but I'm not you I don't owe money or ask you for any and I save .....now which of these shoes shall we put up for sale as your obviously Emelda Marcos reincarnated?