Being disciplined with phone when using it for cheating

[Cheminaufaules]

On another thread a poster explains how a man she knows has cheated on his wife is very strict about the time messaging from OWs should occur and is also strict about deleting all messages before he goes home.

This fascinates me since I know I would not be able to live under this much pressure, e.g. continually having to be aware of what's on my phone all the time.

The levels of cortisol must be sky-high!

Any insight anyone?

This fascinates me since I know I would not be able to live under this much pressure, e.g. continually having to be aware of what's on my phone all the time.

They have to be. Unless they're really thick or don't mind risking their marriage.

I would imagine he’s intent on not getting caught and knows that the evidence can be found on his phone. He also seems to think that being disciplined in his deception will keep it in his control.

But why would a person put themselves through an (arguably) unnecessary amount of stress just so that they can cheat? I know that the automatic response to this question must be that the benefits they gain from having the affair must outweigh the stress-cost. But that cannot be right, surely, nobody wants to live day-in, day-out continuously worrying about what's on their phone?!

I’m sure for some people it’s all sort of the clandestine thrill. Heightens the excitement when you’re taking risks like that. Other people yea probably are stressed but compartmentalise.

Personally, I’d find it incredibly stressful to be worrying about hiding my tracks with an affair. That’s (one reason other than the obvious it’s a shitty thing to do) why i’ve never had one!

For the thrill I imagine

Its kind of understandable though. Even when I text male friends that are married, as innocent as my message might be, I make sure never to text past 8 PM as they could be around their wives and I dont need an earfull from some jealous woman for writing an innocent text message.

So I make sure to text during "work hours" aka when he's likely out of the house

Makes me wonder how people conducted their affairs before mobile phones were invented.

I couldn't live like that either. It must be the thrill of the risk of getting caught. A lot even leave said phone lying around, so confident are they that there's nothing to see. Fate usually calls though in the end, maybe with a message getting stuck in the ether and popping up out of hours, or the ow or om getting pissy at being kept a secret so they decide to do something risky

@Cheminaufaules

meet in pub/office and just arrange times I would guess! I would imagine the back seats of cars took a lot of hammer in them days! I know someone of the older age group who had a van with a mattress in the back! Who said romance was dead!

Some people get a thrill from dishonesty, from cheating, and being extremely careful about messages from OW makes them believe themselves to be far smarter than their spouse, which bolsters their sense of exceptionalism. Rules don't apply to them and they are cleverer than other people.

It can be stressful, as can remembering the excuses you use to be away from home, but it's doable with the right apps and security on your phone

And, yes, it was worth it

Worth risking emotionally damaging another person for? for possibly the rest of their life? just so you can have a bit of sex on the side with someone else?
What a gem you are.

Well said @Bookworm20

What kind of selfish, despicable, shallow cheating individual would say something like that @Oopsiedaisyy?

I'm sure I'm not on my own admiting to the horrific trauma one suffers after finding out the love of your life has betrayed you in the worst possible way after a long marriage of 25 years.

Just when you think you've heard it all along comes another selfish individual who thinks love is merely about sexual gratification. I expect you even classed affair partner as your 'soulmate'

They get off on the thrill of it all.

But why would a person put themselves through an (arguably) unnecessary amount of stress just so that they can cheat?

@Cheminaufaules Sex outweighs everything for a lot of men. They'll do anything for it (except they hope to do it without jeopardising their comfortable home life and finances.)

Firstmummy is also right- the secrecy and 'naughtiness' of it can be part of the turn on for them.

A few of the affairs are even people who are in love and this is what they do to be together (still not ok.)

They do it because the thrill of it all heavily outweighs the risk of it all.

A lot of affairs start at work so it's easy to see each other and message during work hours, and then stop after work. It most likely becomes routine, and the OW or OM is obviously happy to live by those rules.

I wonder too about what people did before phones. I'd like to think people had less affairs. But I reckon they'd also be less likely to get caught if they did have one. Let's face it, most people get caught because of messages on their phone.

I'd like to know this as well. I've just found out my husband has been cheating, I have all the evidence to prove it, yet he's still denying it. He absolutely slated another family member years ago for doing the same thing, I honestly never thought it would happen to us. How does it make them feel do you think, when fate ultimately steps in and everyone knows about it? Shame I hope

Yes I wonder that!!!!
I wonder if cheating is more prevalent now because of all the sexting opportunities that wouldn’t have been p possible before

Also so much more opportunity for ‘meeting’ people that just would not have existed when you only met people in RL.

Men are stupid. He'll slip up. They always do.

I suppose the answer is that you are not the same person so you can't understand what makes him tick.

Although it wouldn't give you enough benefits to be worth it, for a man who cheats, it would. Otherwise they wouldn't do it.

Different people are driven by different things and have different desires/ needs.

As someone well into middle age, I was about 30 before the Internet and mobile phones really took off so I remember that other world and can confirm that people were well able to have affairs before mobile phones and did so. My dad had affairs and various of my parents’ friends and friends’ parents did. It wasn’t difficult. People met at work or through local interest groups and had smaller and more local social groups and saw more of each other in person because you couldn’t meet virtually. It was easy enough to plan illicit liaisons if you wanted to. And you could always ring from a phone box and hang up if the wrong period answered.

I don’t really understand the original question because having an affair creates pressure from all kinds of angles. The constant lying and deceit and trying to remember what lies you’ve told your partner when - I would have thought controlling phone use was the least of it. And I think a lot of people having affairs just get a second phone anyway.

… wrong person answered…