STBXH baby due any day now and I'm spiralling

[Angustiada]

Hi. Posted about this a little while but I could really do with advice on managing my mood/emotions.
Background - officially separated 2.5 years, I ended marriage after discovering a third affair. ExH said he still loved me, promised he'd never do it again etc. Agreed a years trial separation but found out he was in dating sites within weeks so filed for divorce. We have 2 kids (11, 7) who see their dad one night a week and EOW.
This past year has been truly awful as exh withheld CMS (self employed) in order to starve me and kids out of family home. We eventually left in Feb. In the meantime he started seeing someone. She met the kids after 3 months, next time she met them she'd moved in and now she's of course living my our family home and yes, baby is due now (so within a year of meeting).
Not gonna lie. I'm not coping at all. I feel they've stolen the life I wanted. I tried everything to keep our family together as it means more to me than anything. I can't help but see all exh is doing for her and thinking why wasn't he like that with me (he was pretty crap when I was pregnant and an absent dad). I can't help but feel if I'd been more like her then our family would have stayed together 😞😞

if you stayed in “your dream life” you’d be on your last nerves, sick to your stomach every time he’s late home or his phone lights up.

the life you should be living only existed in your head. You would never have got what you dream of.

the chance he’ll cheat on her is immense.

if you’re married now divorced, why on earth didn’t you get the house? Why did you leave the house? You have kids, the courts wouldn’t have turfed you out.

in any case what’s done is now done if it’s all finalised, so the only job you have is to pick yourself up and keep going.

so what if he’s having a baby with her, you knew he was a car crash.

when you’re less raw, it’ll be time to look to create the life you want for you. There is no reason why you can’t find love again, perhaps find the best love you’ve known.

I found it in my 40s, and if I can, anyone can. So what do you need to change in your life to make it better, what’s the work situation?

don’t give up on you. You’re stronger than you think.

what he does is irrelevant to you. Just be there for your kids.

Oh good lord that new woman is in for a world of pain! I know it’s hard and sadly those thoughts will enter your head , but the frequency will lessen. Unfortunately, you are going to have to work through the pain.Try and focus on your family. It will get better.

You only see what he chooses to show you. He may well be just as shitty to her as he was to you. Tell yourself that’s the case. Remind yourself that you know him and know the way he behaves. Focus on your future and your children.

Honestly there is nothing to be envious about, you should be glad this isn't your life anymore. Also stop blaming yourself for his cheating, that was all on him. You should feel sorry for her and the shit show that could possibly come her way knowing he has a problem keeping it in his pants!

Yes. He stole your home, which is sickening. But you still have your children and your future. You are making a much better life for yourself and DC without this lying, cheating parasite.

Thanks everyone. I know logically I shouldn't be feeling like this but their life seems so perfect and she's everything he wanted me to be that I wasn't - a lot younger, more attractive, into fashion, earns more than me etc. I can't help but feel she's like the other women he cheated on me with and therefore all I had to do was be like them and we'd be fine.
@MzHz to answer some questions. The house had barely any equity and I couldnt as afford the mortgage, he could as he's a very high earner. I got myself into a tonne of debt fighting him and only other option was court that would have cost more than my share of equity.
Work wise, i started a new career 4 years ago and now work FT. Going well but I'm a bit bored and probably ready to move on to a new challenge. I am also seeing someone but if I'm honest I don't think I'm ready for it. I don't have the time or energy to dedicate to a relationship and find it adds to the stress!
Maybe you're right. Look for a new job, end my current relationship and fully focus on me and my kids' future x

It's a horrible thing to have gone through.

History will likely repeat itself.

You'd be miserable if you were still with him.

You sound like you've got a bright future ahead.

Focus on that but it's ok to feel the way you do right now.

Maybe your frustration is what could have been. Particularly with the loss of your own home. As most mothers want stability and security for their children. He is in honeymoon phase. Try not to compare. You know the reasons your relationship went wrong. Maybe you need time alone to focus on who you are and discover what you need. It sounds like you know this already.

Sounds like you were more into the idea of a family with this man, than actually havinh a happy family with him.
Good provider etc, obviously hes a catch to other women.

Also 3 affairs sounds like he really wasnt into you or invested in your marriage and didnt know how to end things.

Odds are he would have left you either ways. He just wanted someone else. It hurts but you need to accept it to start processing the pain and eventually move on

He'll do the same to her.

God gracious me it sounds like that dirty rat has really hurt you and left a trail of destruction behind him. If he's done it to you so many times he will undoubtedly do it again in any new relationship.

He's a liar and a cheat. Focus on the anguish you've escaped and don't look back. You would have been a nervous wreck forever if you put up with that for any longer.

Keep a distance from him where possible and keep your friends and family nearby. Your kids have been through the worst of it and come out the other side so now focus on you.

Your new relationship could be the source of a happy new future.. so combined with the support of your family and friends you can grow into a far happier person that you could ever have been in the previous life.

His new lover will feel the same pain when he does it to her!!

I can't help but feel she's like the other women he cheated on me with and therefore all I had to do was be like them and we'd be fine.

But he doesn't cheat with them because of what they're like, he cheats (at all, with anyone he cheats with) because of what HE'S like. He is disloyal. He is entitled. He is selfish. It doesn't really matter what they're like. He didn't cheat because of a lack in you, he cheated because of a lack in himself.

I can quite understand why you're finding it hard that he's having a baby a year afterwards though! What a dick he is.