Ending O.L.D. conversations

[Estherpologist]

I'm just dipping my toe in O.L.D. So far I've only had two conversations so far.
One that I started, we met for coffee, seemed to get on, messaged again, and then the whole conversation just got deleted from the app with almost no warning.
The other conversation is just via the app and WhatsApp so far - I received a message and then we got chatting, but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I'm not in the right place for O.L.D., or maybe we don't have the connection I'm looking for. I can't tell.
But what's normal for ending O.L D. conversations?

I used to find if the conversation was a bit rubbish it just fizzled out by itself or the other person just stopped responding.

if it gets to a 1st meeting and there is no spark, that’s normally the end of that.

If you have met, I've never experienced just deleting, you just say thanks for a nice time but no spark for me.

If it's just the talking stage then you don't owe any explanation if you want to stop talking, just stop replying, unless they are being crude then block them.

Why do you care what normal is? Set your own normal.

Presumably if someone is rude to you, you'll feel like walking away without a word, and if someone is lovely but not for you, you'll feel like telling them it was lovely chatting, and wish them luck, and there'll be a variety of responses you might choose according to where your own boundaries are. We can't tell you, because we don't know who you are.

Are you trying to find out what's normal because you need a protocol to follow? You'll struggle with OLD if that's the case, due to the amount of people who don't do things in the way you'd consider normal.

@Watchkeys is right, there is no normal.

My personal rule is to forget the implications of the online element of OLD and treat people the way I would in the real world.

With regards to ending something, often this means telling them face to face at the end of a date that I had a nice time, but just don't feel it. I hate the game of you both knowing you're going home to wait for/send a text to find out the result.

For online chats, sometimes I let them drop naturally. Or if they've been lengthy interactions, I'll acknowledge it's been good to chat, but my head just isn't in the right place right now. I don't chat to people for weeks without meeting, so can't advise on what to do there.

If they've been really rude/inappropriate, I just drop the chat, with zero guilt. Less so, and I'll call them out on it, in case it's been a misinterpretation.

The one I've never worked out, is how to drop someone after a pre meet phone call. So I try to avoid those!

I guess my question is as much about what to expect from others.
Our post-date messages seemed positive, but when three weeks of conversation completely disappeared without warning, that felt quite brutal. I wasn't remotely offended as I didn't feel any great spark straight away even though I would have happily gone on another date to see if it went anywherr, but I didn't lose any sleep at all over it. I just thought wow, is that how O.L.D. works? Maybe I'm expecting the wrong things from it all.

that felt quite brutal

There isn't a 'way it works'. Expect that some people will treat you cruelly, some kindly. Some will respond quickly, some slowly, some not at all. Some at length, some brief. Some will respond only to you, some will be dating many.

Where do you think 'normal' comes from?

You have to choose your own normality, by choosing people who behave in ways that make sense to you, and that you like, and discarding all others. So if you get dropped 'brutally', that's not your guy, and he's done you a favour by showing you so clearly. If you get an 'essay writer' when all you've said is 'Hi!', that's not your guy, and he's done you a favour by showing you.

There's no normal, no standards, no rules. There are arseholes, there are people who are different to you, there are people who are fairly like you, and there's a few you're compatible with. 'Normality' isn't the filter. It doesn't even exist. Your feelings are the filter.

I think most people OLD view it as a number game once they have been there a while, and don't want to waste any time or effort with someone that they are not interested in (and their interest might be looking for a lifelong partner or a quick one night stand they never see and everything in between).

It is brutal if you struggle with rejection (as I do) but also it's honest at least so that's a good thing.