Workaholic husband - when did u realise enough is enough (works 7/7)?

[UnsureUK]

Husband works 7 days a week.
Some employed, some freelance.
He's around a little bit but he puts work first so much I took the children on holiday by myself cos he wouldn't go out till 2 in the afternoon.

He doesn't need to work the whole time but v seems to prefer it to being with me/family.
I'm exhausted.
I have a cleaner but the children want him. I'm miserable and lonely.

When is enough enough?
I can't get thru to him.
I've tried.

It's 7 days a week.
I took them away by myself this summer - told him I didn't want the children to be told he had to work every day while away with us.

Been there, done that. Mine was coupled with psychological and financial abuse. Now divorced and so much happier. Life is good and I am me again.

I hear you mama

We have a social worker due to major teenage rebellion
Teenager told social worker that felt dad didn't care about them

I had been saying for years

Now he is model dad

I know this may not be an option for you but someone outside the family saying something may shake him up ?

Developing my life moving forward.
He still wants us, he's stepping up more.

I've changed username.
I've just had a big birthday and DH only got me a card.
I'm making myself a birthday tea.

I've told him I and the children need more time with him but it's not getting thru.
Told him I even took the children away by myself cos you worked during your leave.
Told him we have separate lives.
He worked today till late afternoon and will work tomorrow.

I've been out by myself today and got v upset seeing couples and families out together.
I had to go out on my own cos that's the only time I had to think.

I think I'm at the stage where I tell him I'm lonely, I'm sick of taking the children out on my own and if you don't start spending more time with me, I need to separate.
We don't have to stay married.
We're already in separate rooms - his idea cos I talk in my sleep (which is true).

I'm so lonely.

Anyone?

I had a partner that worked 24/7. I was left to do everything.
I binned him last year. Just the other day we spoke and h was crying saying how sad he was that he lost everything and can't get it back.
I just looked at my watch and said sorry, I've got to go to work.

I have phases like this and I'm the mum!

The reasons for my phases can be:

Having so much work it feels you cant stop

My job covers so much to keep on track I can't stop

I do enjoy my job

I'm the main breadwinner - it's scary to have the responsibility

We live overseas, I brought us here and if I lose my job our visas are gone uprooting us with 30 days notice

I've been made redundant before in my career it's a fear I can't I forget

I do find the job easier than the kids and believe that is a factor

That said I make specific efforts with my kids / certain things I will make sure I'm there for such as anything medical or school related. I also do look to structured things to do with them like an exhibition or water park so we just are together at least a few times a week. My lot also like 1-1 time so every month I take just one of them out somewhere. We do also eat together everyday.

So my suggestion is that it might not just be not wanting to look after kids that is driving him and it might help to agree set things he can do as opposed to just asking for his time in an ambiguous way?

Oh OP, happy birthday! Sending you sympathy and strength. Can you finish it? I don’t really see the benefit of you being with him to be honest… you’re in purgatory. At least if you were single, he’d be paying child maintenance anyway and you could focus on rebuilding a life without him instead of hoping he’d change.

I called it a date when I realised that actually he was in the pub and having a great time to himself. It took 4 years before I was enlightened by a mutual friend

Not all men want a relationship with their children

I've worked with quite a few men who freely admitted they got a lot more from their job than they ever did from their marriage, with the usual response that they were missing out on time with their kids. But I'm not sure that weighed too much either.

These were senior, highly qualified, and experienced medical professionals who weren't that old either.

They worked the hours they did because they wanted to. Their job, saving lives, held more of an interest.