concerned

[Constance1643]

My husband has a worrying trait regarding money. There have been lots of similar situations but the latest one is a replacement car where he agreed that we should pay half each. We went and paid a deposit for this car and I have asked him to pay his half directly to the car yard. He denies the conversation saying he said he would make a contribution only. Same thing when we bought our house he pulled out last minute leaving me to pay. Should I be worried ?

How long have you been married for? Do you think he genuinely can’t remember?

28 years and I know he can remember but think he just tries it on, He has fallen out with his brother over money so it's something he does

What’s he like generally with money? Is it just big purchases he’s like this or all the time?

it is worrying, I wonder why he’s like that? Do you have a joint bank account?

I had to fight tooth and nail to have a joint account but he only puts a bit of housekeeping into it for me to spend. I don't know why he's like it. I'm concerned though

He generally hates spending money

To be honest I’ve just started a whole thread in relationships so probably not the best one to advise of having a frank conversation when I’m failing to do that myself, however if your concerned could you lay your cards on the table?

He's very difficult to talk to and very defensive but I can try, thank you

Not really I understand, is it you that has much more money then?
it’s not many ppl who can afford to buy a house by themselves

It was years ago and was a small deposit we were putting in each and the rest on mortgage. At the last minute he didn't put in his deposit. I was stupidly too shocked to say anything

What did I just read ?
This is not ok op.

Yes, that's why I am concerned. Years ago I was too afraid to speak out

In each case, how do you have enough to cover his shortfall? And how does he know that you do?

At this stage, I would just call him out on it directly and say you won't be entering into any large purchases with him again unless he transfers his half to you ahead of time. That said, I couldn't live like this anyway, and it sounds like there's more to the story. If he doesn't put money into the joint account, how are the bills getting paid? Assuming you pay some and he pays some, are you sure his actually are being paid?

What? Hold on? Isn't it what a "cocklodger" is?

This. Money at the time he mentions it or no purchase goes ahead!

Do you work? Do you have your own money?

I think you need to put your cards on the table re financial equality.
Ask him where the money is and if he doesn't cough up or try to gaslight you then you'll know what you have to do next.
Start gathering evidence of these large sums of money he left you to pay by yourself.
What a tight selfish pig

I could t live with a tight arse. I think it's a mean trait

This is very concerning. He sounds financially abusive!

Is he defensive about other things, or only money? Can you discuss other relationship/joint issues with him, and reach good outcomes together, as a couple?