We've been together for 5 years now (dated for 5, married for 5). Earlier this summer, just before our 5 year anniversary I discovered she'd been sneaking around and cheating on me with her trainer. She had been acting off and doing things that were not her normal for several months before this and I was suspicious of her but I didn't have any proof until then (it might also be worth mentioning that she's had numerous other inappropriate relations with other guys before, just not anything that developed into something like this.) So when I did finally find out and I called her out on it she continued to lie, deny it and get nasty with me even though I had multiple sources of proof at that point. Once the initial anger from both sides faded I told her I wanted to stick it out with her and make it work. She said the same but it would take time to break it off with him because she loved him as well.
We'd go through spells of anger and flucuating emotions. We went away for our anniversary and another vacation throughout the summer and while we were away (and not talking to/seeing this guy) things were great. However, a day or two after we'd return and she'd see and talk to him again we were right back in the same boat. She'd be distant and cold and even at points claim she doesn't love me anymore. This naturally made me pull back and put up walls to protect myself due to it sounding like it's ending. As soon as I would she would stop being cold and distant and act as if nothing ever happened and we were moving passed it all. Finally, in the beginning of august things came to a head and she decided she needed space to get clarity about what she wanted to do. So she moved back in with her parents and it was only suppose to be a week or two. And then the week or two turned into another week, with the addition of no communication. That week ended and she talked about coming home. I was passing by her parents one day on my way home so I thought I'd stop by and say hi because she told me she was home. However, when I got there I found out that she wasn't actually there but out on a date with the other guy. A few days later I called her out on the lying and she claimed it was to protect me. She went on to tell me he was just perfect in every way and is everything she ever wanted and then she started talking about finding her own place. So this time my walls went WAY up and I got very distant. Again following this she started acting very sweet and loving like nothing was going on or happened and when I didn't respond in kind this time she questioned if I loved her. I told her I did but that I can feel myself being pulled away because of all this. She freaked out on me saying about how I'm giving up on trying to make this work and that marriage is suppose to be forever and all this other stuff that is basically making it sound like it's my fault and I'm the one who isn't making this work. Following all this she said she was even thinking about coming home (but now she doesn't know) because she missed me and that when she was looking for her own place she realized she didn't know if she could handle living on her own. This just made me feel so used, especially after another comment she made earlier in the summer something to the effect of, 'well what am I going to do for dinner?' when I left for the night after another argument we had. Like don't get me wrong, I would gladly welcome her home, I'd gladly take care of her and her needs, as I always have but I don't want it to be because she needs me, I want her love. I just feel so used and so manipulated and don't know how or if I'll ever be able to trust her again because of the repetitive lying. Am I reading this situation wrong? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
None of her friends or family like this guy either, they have all pointed out numerous red flags to her but she continues to ignores them. I have a very strong gut feeling that she will be back in the end after she finishes exploring this, I just don't know that I will be there, or even if I am now. I just don't know how to get passed the feeling of being used and manipulated or how to rebuild the trust between us.