Is this a enough?

[IrisJoy]

I am in a relationship with a lovely man. He is kind and funny and treats my brilliantly. He is great with my children, understanding when I am stressed about work, helps around the house (we don’t live together).
however, he isn’t romantic in any way. He did warn me at the beginning of our relationship that he ‘wasn’t very good with compliments or love’. I don’t think he really believes in love. He does tell me that he loves me (very occasionally). But to him that just means someone who he gets on with and has things in common with and has a nice time with. It all feels a bit ‘conditional’. For example, if we stopped doing the hobby we do together, or if the sex dwindled, I feel we wouldn’t last very long.
It's starting to knock my confidence because i adore him but I don’t feel that he feels the same way about me. However, he’s pretty perfect in every respect. How do I learn to deal with the fact that he just isn’t like that, and not let it affect my confidence?

I hope that makes sense!

@Watchkeys it’s not that I can’t tell him. Indeed, when I have seemed upset he has been the one to say that I need to communicate and tell him what’s wrong, it’s just that that is a time that I feel it’s appropriate to raise the subject. If I feel it’s appropriate before then, then I will do it then.

An update: I spoke to him yesterday and he said that he likes me and he loves spending time with me. He is always happy to see me and he misses me when he doesn’t see me. That he worries about me and cares for me. He has stringer feelings for me than any one he has been with before he thinks we are more compatible. He doesn’t know what else I want. He later said a couple of times ‘I do love you, you know I love you’. Tbh I can’t put into words what else I want either. Am I just holding onto some ridiculous Hollywood notion of a man adoring a woman and being completely head over heels in love with her? I have had exes who adored me but they have turned out to be twats. DP is a genuinely good man.

Also, I did address him commenting on actresses etc and he has stopped doing it.

He's told you he loves you. He's told you you're more special than anyone he's ever met. What does he need to do to make you believe him? Flowers every week? Romantic meals?

My DH is similar and it took me a while to get my head round. When we were first together, I was convinced he was going to meet someone else, fall head over heels for them and be OTT, soppy, overly romantic with them. He never has. It genuinely is just how he is. We have been together for 17 years and are very happy, and very secure. He never does anything for show and is never fake or disingenuous. Once I saw the positives of that, I love him all the more for it.

My DP was like this too - knocked my confidence too for the first few years.Now 8+ years later I know that I can rely on him to always put me first, have my back in anything life throws at me and to be my best friend. He forgot my birthday again but will defrost my car every morning. His is a very practical and service type of love which enhances my life every day not just a birthday. Fell very blessed and I cringe when I think I could have walked away just because I thought I needed to hear the 3 little words more to feel loved.
I hope you have found someone similar - if you have keep hold of them. They are true partners in life.

"I have had exes who adored me but they have turned out to be twats. DP is a genuinely good man".

Your boundaries, already skewed by previous poor relationships, are being further got at by this person you are now with. This man may actually be just less of a twat than those other men, but he is still a twat all the same. He is not much different from your ex's then.

Look up the 'love languages' stuff and see or ask him what his love language is. You may find that he shows love through physical affection or acts of service. Once you understand that, it might change that way you feel. If this is a deal -breaker for you, then end it. You deserve happiness and your needs met and so does he.

My husband is disabled and didn't come from a loving home so isn't great/ too much in pain for romantic things but he gets our daughter ready and to school every morning to allow me to go into work early and make my life easier. That is love.