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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Lazy partner

12 replies

sarah8484 · 19/09/2022 22:43

Ive had a busy day with dc. Ive taken them for a walk to feed ducks, played board games, done some homework with them, cooked and washed up dishes from all three meals today. Put two loads of washing on and away. Was about to put third load of washing away when dc (6 months) needed a feed. So put washing on bed and sat down on sofa to feed dc and got her to sleep. She fell asleep so just sat having cuddles while watching tv. Dp (who's been pottering in garden child and chore free all day) says can i help put washing away. I said in a while. 20 mins later, went to bed where dp had put all washing on the bed side table and was just lying in bed so i called him lazy. He switched and went off calling me a bitch and crazy and that he's 'far from lazy'. Im exhausted. Im so annoyed that i keep putting up with him. Im Literally hanging on emotionally and physically by a thread. Why do men (in my experience) always get the easy life when it comes to parenting.

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 20/09/2022 10:17

Why do men (in my experience) always get the easy life when it comes to parenting

Because women stay with them and put up with it.

PinkSyCo · 20/09/2022 10:25

Not all men are like your husband. He sounds awful. Stop having children with him and tell him to do his share or he’s out.

Natty13 · 20/09/2022 10:58

Why do men (in my experience) always get the easy life when it comes to parenting.

Because you let them. This isn't normal and it isn't right and neither is this:

"Im Literally hanging on emotionally and physically by a thread."

If this is how he is, stop doing it all. Pretty sure if you had just washed yours and the kids' clothes and fed only yourself and the kids he wouldn't have been able to potter and do fuck all all day. I guarantee you, men like this will only "get it" when you change your actions, never with words, discussions and explaining yourself.

Take some time for yourself. Who gives a fuck about a man who can watch you get run ragged and be hanging on my a thread then kicks off at you? Show him the same consideration he has shown you tonight and out yourself and your health first.

Pyewhacket · 20/09/2022 11:06

Watchkeys · 20/09/2022 10:17

Why do men (in my experience) always get the easy life when it comes to parenting

Because women stay with them and put up with it.

That's because it's women who want the kids in the first place. An awful lot of men would be happy with just a relationship.

sleepymum50 · 20/09/2022 11:18

I think many (but not all) men are just inherently more selfish than women. Maybe our hormones make us care more about “everything”.

But men will be lazy if they can get away with it. But it’s not true that it’s because women let them be lazy. I know because I tried for 30 years. He’s not lazy when it’s something he WANTS to do. Their selfishness is why the patriarchy rules.

Watchkeys · 20/09/2022 11:45

I guarantee you, men like this will only "get it" when you change your actions, never with words, discussions and explaining yourself

I think it's important to acknowledge, also, that it's not OP's job to find a way to educate him into how to 'do life better'. He can do what he wants, she doesn't have to stick around. If there isn't time to make his dinners and wash his pants, don't do it, but not so that he'll 'get it'; so that you're putting your own mental end emotional wellbeing over his need for clean y-fronts.

pompomdaisy · 20/09/2022 12:02

He's not just lazy love. He's abusive!

chapter2022 · 20/09/2022 18:22

Be recently left my ex for the same reason. I moved out as soon as it was possible (which it wasn’t for a long time!) and I explained he had a chance to step up as a partner and a father.. 6 weeks have past and he’s gone drastically down hill!

I’m not going to lie and say it’s been easy, but at least I’m not stuck resenting him and hopefully can work in myself to make sure I don’t attract one of these deadbeats again. It’s hard when you have kids with them , but what’s the alternative, stay and burn out!

My ex on top would make me feel bad for not giving him cuddles yet would never offer help with the kids or around the house . He’d be in bed by 8 because he worked in construction and had to be up at half 5, I was expected to be grateful!!

Natty13 · 20/09/2022 21:08

Watchkeys · 20/09/2022 11:45

I guarantee you, men like this will only "get it" when you change your actions, never with words, discussions and explaining yourself

Oh I 100% agree with you. Just see soooo many of these posts with the woman explaining to him over and over again in the hopes that if she gets the magic combination of words he will change his selfish ways. Its a waste of time and energy.

THisbackwithavengeance · 20/09/2022 21:18

Ok. You say he's done nothing but potter in the garden. He would probably say that you've done nothing but "potter" in the house.

Sounds like you have had a nice day at home with your family and got a few chores done. I don't see that anyone has been run ragged.

The key issue here is do either of you work? I'm not sure I am happy to describe him as lazy if he does and you are a SAHM.

But I do agree that it wouldn't hurt to call him out if you think he is sitting around and there's jobs to do.

Dacadactyl · 20/09/2022 21:19

Being a SAHM is work too PP🙄

chapter2022 · 20/09/2022 21:55

@Dacadactyl agree! PP reply is clearly a man🙄

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