Going no contact with family and reporting historical stuff

[peopleyoumayknow]

This is a very long story so I'll try not to write too much but there's so much background to go into first. Long time poster but I've obviously name changed for this.

Also possible TW as I am going to mention paedophiles etc. sorry not sure how best to put it.

Growing up my parents were emotionally abusive - it has taken a long time to realise this and even now I'm still remembering things/going back over things and realising how awful they were and how badly I was treated. I have other siblings but I was definitely the scapegoat of the family, never given the same opportunities, never allowed to do as much as them etc. often pitted against siblings and could never do anything right or be good enough. It's only since having my own children I've realised how horrible my parents were to me and often cruel.
As a teenager I was constantly belittled, told to find somewhere else to live but then told I wasn't allowed to leave if I tried. My parents stopped me from going to university in another city saying I couldn't afford it etc then made me get a job and work my arse off and constantly told me to find somewhere else to live etc, I was never allowed to go out without permission or allowed a social life/friends to visit and ultimately my studies suffered as a result with me also ending up as an inpatient in a psychiatric ward and having to postpone my studies because of this. So it was constantly being told to do one thing then when I did it, I was in trouble for it or in trouble for something else.
My older half sibling I never got on with, they were always treated differently by my mother and heavily favourited. Over the years some awful things happened like them trying to push into the bathroom when I was undressed in there and me having to scream for help and then nobody believing me. At one point I became so concerned I checked their laptop when they were out and they had been looking at some really dodgy stuff - young girls etc online. I told my parents but they brushed it off and acted like it was fine - even said they had looked themselves and there was nothing etc. after this I had to have a bolt on my bedroom door because they would loiter outside my bedroom and peer in if the door was slightly ajar, I became frightened they would come into my room etc so I needed a lock.

Fast forward some years, I've moved out etc and my parents always expected me to call every single day, be available for visits on short notice, still tried to rule my life by constantly asking where I was going/who with/telling them when I was back home even when I didn't live with them etc. and I foolishly thought this was normal and enabled it and allowed it to continue although there have been many many times over the last few years when I have considered going no contact or low contact but been so frightened of any repercussions that I just caved in the end and let it carry on.
After having my own DC, they very much forced this older sibling on me saying I couldn't cut them out and they had to be involved with DC etc which I tried to avoid but ultimately allowed some visits etc to keep the peace as the reactions if I didn't were horrible.

A few months back, my other sibling told me they had concerns of their own and accessed the older sibling's tablet some years ago. That time, they found nude photos of young children (they described them as screenshots of nudist families etc with the children specifically cropped and saved if that makes sense) but obviously years had passed and nothing had been said/done as they knew our parents wouldn't believe them or take it seriously. Well I told my parents and they reacted much better than I had expected initially. They said they would cut contact with the older sibling, this was wrong, they couldn't believe that my younger sibling had kept it to themselves etc etc. obviously we had no actual evidence of this as so much time had passed but I wanted to go to the police but was stupidly talked out of it.

Anyway fast forward to last week and I found out my parents have been having contact with older sibling, arranging visits etc. Now my parents sometimes have my DC for an afternoon every now and again and come and visit us etc. so as soon as I found out they'd had contact with the older sibling I said I could not continue a relationship with them or allow my child to.
Well, I'm the fucking devil now. They said they have no intention of stopping contact with the sibling, that they are not answerable to me, that I'm bang out of order for bringing it up etc etc and that I'm being cut out of the will.
So naturally I've blocked them all and will be having no more contact. What the fuck do I do now with regards to the other stuff?!
I have no evidence that the sibling had these images, if I contact the police etc and nothing is found what would happen?

Sorry this is extremely long and if anyone has read thank you.
Trying not to drip feed and get everything in but there's just so so much it's impossible.

You are very much in the right here. They sound very toxic and I bet you will be much better off without them.

I would tell the police of your concerns for sure.

I think you’re still underplaying their influence and you need to access some help to enable you to process the awful behaviour of your parents which is ongoing. You don’t need to make a big song and dance, just back off and take some time to look after yourself. If they call, keep conversations short and end the conversation as soon as they start - there’s someone at the door, your child needs you, anything to drop the call without escalating the drama. I think with some space you might be able to see their behaviour for what it is. I think it goes without saying that you avoid any contact with your sibling.

I think there’s a few things you can do if you want to.
Call 101 and report what you know to the police.
I think you can report online too.
Contact the NSPCC and tell them what you know.
Have all the info you can, half sibling’s full name, DOB, address, occupation, employer, just any info you have.
if there is anything to find the police will find it, hopefully.
Keep any abusive, threatening, nasty emails, texts, voice messages you re dive from your parents or half sibling in case the police want those.
Get support for yourself from your GP or NSPCC or local counselling service.

Hi OP. So sorry this was your normal when growing up and how awful of your parents to treat you this way and not ensure you were protected! Your parents sound horrible.
clearly if sounds like your older sibling has problems. I say this as someone who works in the field with peadophiles. Saving the image as nudist families is a massive red flag and indicates he is fully aware of what he is doing and is trying to ‘protect’ himself and give himself a way of ‘explaining’ when in actual fact it is not appropriate is anyway shape or form to have these images.

in terms of what you can do I’m not sure other than keeping your children as far away as possible. as you have said you have no evidence so I don’t think the police will be able to intervene at all and unfortunately as vile as what he may have been doing is, this is small fish to the police without evidence. Police units do have their own sex offenders teams. I’d say it might be working asking to speak to the local sex offender manager about your concerns as your sibling may already be flagged on their system but also be prepared to have the door shut on your face.

do not allow your children to see your parents without you present. I understand your decision to stop visits all together as clearly they cannot be trusted if they have already told you they have cut contact when they haven’t and then said they have no intention. Sometimes, and in my experience, parents can enable this behaviour from your older sibling as they do not want to see it as the problem it clearly is and this looks like this is happening in your situation.

focus on your own well-being and children and don’t let them guilt trip you into risking their safety!

Yep run, run, run. Go to the police if you want but even with much more horrible actions on the part of the older sibling in my family my parents and the police did very little so don’t focus on that aspect.

Your priority has to be decoupling yourself from the family and keeping your children safe. Your family will not do that. They will gaslight and scapegoat you to the end but they are such damaged people that this won’t get better until you make it better.

This is where knowing the truth is so important. Hold fast to what you know and what your instinct tells you to do. Those things are the truth. Look after yourself and dc. The other family members are not your problem any more. Let go of contact with them and always disregard their opinions. Stay safe.

You are a great parent op. Protecting your dc is your priority.. They must never see your dps. Trust me not all dm's have the strength to do this.
Ask the police for a home visit.. Tell them everything you know.
Sorry for your awful childhood.
I am nc with my dps. It is very liberating to know they can't affect you anymore.

Thank you all for your replies.
It's very reassuring that other people agree that this isn't normal. My parents simply won't have it that they're wrong or the situation is wrong. To them we had a wonderful childhood with caring parents and have grown up into well rounded adults with no problems which is so far from the reality. I've suffered with depression and anxiety all my life which I now realise is as a result of living in such a toxic unstable household.
I'm still undecided about whether it's worth the trauma and stress of reporting to the police when I know realistically they can't/won't do anything.

But I'm happy I've been proactive about the whole situation and finally stood up for myself and blocked their numbers etc so they can't get in touch with me any more. I doubt they'd ever turn up at my house but if they did they are not welcome and they definitely wouldn't be getting in. They won't be seeing DC ever again.
My dad is in his 80s and it makes me sad that this is the stance he's taken in his final years but at the end of the day that's not my problem and I'm not responsible for their actions or reactions.

I will definitely contact the GP and get some support hopefully in the form of some much needed counselling to unpack everything and come to terms with it all.