Dating

[Lookingforlove2022]

Hello,

Not sure what I am asking....

So I met a man om Match, the usual messaged every day for a whole week then we met up on two consistent days which was fine ( didnt have sex but played around ), we made plans to meet on two different occassions then he cancelled both days.

This man is extremely guarded and seems to be emontionally detached, whilst he can speak to me about anything ( whether anythinghe said is true is another matter )it is really difficult to read him or know anything as he shows no emotion, I understand rountine and planning are important but really...

When I made a joke about putting the house work before seeing me ( one of the reasons he cancelled ) he got really defensive and would not message me and then proceeded to cancel the date we had for that night then he cancelled whatever this was between us 😳
We remained friends or whatever we are and went out at the weekend , we kissed and had sex, I sent him a lovely message yesterday morning but haven't heard from him since...
I am going to leave it for a few days then call him, yes I know hes probarly not interested and probarly wasn't from the beginning and I know that the detachment issues are his issues but why treat someone like this?

I know I shouldnt make any contact, I know he wont contact me and I need closure.

You don’t need closure.

He won’t give it you anyway - it’s not like he’s emotionally open enough to be honest about his feelings.

You only have to look at his actions to see how he feels about you, and you are very over invested already. This isn’t healthy.

Dont contact him, you won’t get anywhere and you will look unhinged. Respect yourself more, walk away.

Don't call him, you give yourself closure by not allowing him to treat you like this.
Allowing him back in your life will be more of the same, it won't get any better.
Raise your standards, whoever you date should be enthusiastic and kind towards you.

Don't contact him. His issues are his own. Delete him and move on with your life.

Um. Gently op - it's clear he isn't remotely interested in you. Sorry. I'm not sure how much clearer he could have been.

He sounds awful, just block him & move on.

For future....

When he cancelled the first date, that was a) him telling you he's not interested
B) genuinely had a reason to cancel, thus the ball was completely in his court to organise another. Not you.

When he cancelled the second, that was him telling you he's not interested.

Yes, he was putting the housework before you. He didn't even need to clarify.

When you still kept on, he was probably thinking - may as well get sex out of this.

When you sent him a loveky message and he hadn't responded, that is telling you loud and clear.

He tried to tell you, you ignored him and kept on, now he's trying the ignore tactic to see if you ll get the message.

That's why he is behaving like this - he's probably at a loss with how much clearer he needs to be.

Thank you all, thats what I needed to hear.....

Why can't some people just be clear and honest and no mind games, its really not that difficult to tell the truth....

He was pretty clear. You invented something more.

Because there would be a reason - let's call it 'A' that he didn't want to pursue this further. Let's assume that A is something he either didn't like about you/thought you weren't compatible about. He doesn't want to hurt you by saying 'we're not going to get along because A' because most people don't want to hurt others, especially those they think are perfectly nice, they're just not that in to (for whatever his own reason, nothing to do with you). So, he goes down the cancelling/ignoring route to avoid saying anything to you you might get hurt by.
Tbh, it's not my strategy, I've made up all sorts of shit over the years 'I'm sorry, there was no spark for me' 'I'm sorry, I've realised I'm not ready for dating' when most of this has been lies, it's actually been 'you had no eyebrows' 'I didn't like your accent', which I'm not entirely sure is actually better!

Thank you this, how ever hurtful he should of manned up and just said the real reason, instead of being immature ( not sayig you are ).
And whilst I can not read his mind I presume not blocking me is incase I might contact him....... ( which I wont ever do ).😀