I know deep down my partner isn't right for me. In the past he's been emotionally abusive. He's screamed in my face, threatened to hit me, physically intimidated me. I left him because of it in March but I stupidly went back to him. However, since I went back he hasn't been like it with me since, granted he's shouted a few times but he hasn't flown off the handle anywhere near like he used to. But there's other reasons as well. I don't trust him for many, many reasons. He's cheated on me, with at least 6 women that I know of. I have no concrete evidence of physical cheating, just sexting and reaching out to his exes, some messages imply meeting up but these messages were over Snapchat and not all messages saved. He denies anything physical happened. He doesn't understand why I don't trust him. There's also some financial issues. He's almost got us evicted by not paying rent for 4 months. This is still ongoing. He has a lot of debt including CCJs that I previously had no idea about. This was someone I thought I could build a future with. Then there's the whole parenting styles. Very different. He can't respect how I parent, will critique my parenting approach in front of the kids. I should note, we both have children from previous relationships, we don't have any together. His children blatantly disrespect me due to how he criticises how I parent in front of them.
The problem is, I love him. Deeply love him and I feel guilty for giving up on us. I wish I had enough self worth to have never gone back to him. I know that I'm doing the right thing by leaving but it's so scary. I'm scared I'll regret it. I feel so guilty. Has anyone ever been in this situation who has actually left and can tell me it gets easier?