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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

sister didn't invite me to her hen do

16 replies

wishesandkisses · 18/09/2022 22:55

My sister and I are pretty close. Don't get me wrong we are not tied at the hip but we talk a lot and confide in each other.

At the beginning of the year she was with someone who was an arsehole. Fast forward to now and shes getting married to another guy soon. I'm not going to say I didn't share my concerns with her over how quick this all had been but overall I have been very supportive and I want her to be happy. I've celebrated her new partner, made an effort to get to know him and have had his children for sleepovers at my house. My sister has kids from her last partner and I do all I can to help out with them. The last time was today when she asked me to have one of them and I did (the point is i saw her today) I am also taking a day off work at a really bad time (she doesn't know its a bad time) to have her children whilst she gets married (eloping).

I've just found out she is on her hen do. She mentioned she was having one with me there a while ago but she hasn't mentioned it since. Anyway, I didn't know about this one until now. I'm really hurt that I wasn't invited but also that she avoided telling me until she was there. She put it in our family group. Am I being an idiot for feeling so upset about this? I've literally just cried to my boyfriend. I'm going through some of my own stuff right now and its probably contributing but I can't believe she didn't even tell me. Am I being a bit of a sap? or do I have a right to be upset? Do I tell her?

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 18/09/2022 23:02

Are you babysitting while she has her do?

Like a lot of these cases perhaps your relationship means more to you than it does to her.

wishesandkisses · 18/09/2022 23:04

Not whilst she has her do no. She collect them a few hours ago. Maybe so..

OP posts:
TwinkleChristmas · 18/09/2022 23:10

YANBU

but why are you looking after his kids? They have hardly been together so it seems a bit bizarre (although kind of you).

wishesandkisses · 18/09/2022 23:13

The oldest one is the same age as my son so that's what started it. I'm also quite good with kids and they love me 😂 and ask to sleep over.

OP posts:
Quitelikeacatslife · 18/09/2022 23:18

YANBU you need to tell her you are hurt and thought you'd be invited, especially as you are not going to the wedding itself.

Maggiethehorserustler · 18/09/2022 23:53

I really feel for you, your sister has been absolutely awful

Boreded · 19/09/2022 00:50

Your sister is a dick

toomuchlaundry · 19/09/2022 01:01

Feel for kids on both sides with such a quick relationship

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2022 01:03

Your sister is a user and she's marrying one. What a lovely pair.

Thenose · 19/09/2022 01:28

This is awful behaviour from your sister; you're not being a sap at all.

NinHuguenAndTheHuguenNotes · 19/09/2022 01:34

I think your sister has treated you very badly. I would be very hurt if it was me. I certainly wouldn't be babysitting for her again. Let her ask one of the hens.

Pixiedust1234 · 19/09/2022 01:38

She's a taker and you are a giver. That is perfectly fine if you both agree to it but you have decided that you don't want to give for a while. Again that is fine, but you need to tell the taker that your relationship is off balance and they need to find another giver for a while.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but its probably how your sister has been viewing her relationship with you. You think you have a normal sisterly help each other out kind of relationship. Sit and think hard about it, how long has it been this way? Recently, since adulthood or all the way through childhood?

wishesandkisses · 19/09/2022 08:53

Thanks everyone,

I agree about the kids. Its something I've said to her a few times. At the moment they seem okay but time will tell and I just want to be there for them.

In her past relationship it worked both ways and we used to help each other pit alot and it was mutual. I suppose its probably because she had the time because the past guy was an arsehole. I think this particular relationship has changed her. I don't think it's him really, I think she's finally happy and its made her a bit selfish and her emotional intelligence has slipped.

I'm not sure how I'm going to broach the subject with her.. I messaged my mum to see what she says.

OP posts:
Cosycover · 19/09/2022 09:07

Just ask outright why you weren't invited? Why should you have to pussy foot around when she's the one in the wrong.

Stripedbag101 · 19/09/2022 09:40

There is a thread about a woman who is deeply hurt that her husband wasn’t invited to to her nieces fiancés stag do. That was ridiculous.

this is not.

I would be so hurt. You should have been invited unless there is some family bad blood.

speak to her - say you don’t understand why she didn’t want you there and you a really hurt because you love her and want to there for her big moments.

BirdinaHedge · 19/09/2022 13:22

awww that's really sad, @wishesandkisses No wonder you're upset. It's not unreasonable for you to be upset.

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