Is it ever ok for him to mimic me in an argument?

[Happywhenitrains7]

Things are really strained at the moment because something has turned in me where I hate him kissing me or touching me because of all our history and the petty mean way he has reacted so often. Inevitably he then touches me or kisses me and kisses harder when he can tell I’m not into it then sulks. Tonight he wa vaguely slurring after to many beers and I feel
nervous around him not because he would hurt me physically but because I’m exhausted and I can’t take any drama anymore ( two kids with SEN ). He started talking in a nasty provocative way to me and I just wanted to go to bed. I told him he’d had too much to drink and I couldn’t deal with this and I was flapping my hands which is something I do when I get extremely anxious ( only with him) and he started mimicking me. I am only with him now because I can’t face a divorce because my children have enough issues already and the
love him and they are very vulnerable. I also can’t fake Loving him and I can’t take his anger and sulking and insecurity. I’m losing sight of what is ok and what is not .

Anyone? When I say mimic I mean flapping his hands to mimic my gestures made in extreme anxiety?

Definitely not ok, he sounds vile and as of he adds to your stress

no it is not ok. it sounds like he does not respect you

It is a form of abuse. He's mocking you when you are in distress. It's very cruel. You have a lot on your plate already.
Is it really better to stay in this relationship?

No I don’t think it is. However I have two very vulnerable children and my son would be absolutely devastated and he already had issues. It would also be terrible timing as I have lots of things relating to my kids which I need my husband’s cooperation with however I can’t hide my feelings anymore and it’s getting really hard. I just have shut down after one too many things and I can’t be physical to appease him anymore because I just feel shut down. I used to like kissing him and now I can’t bear it and when he kisses me he kisses me hard and for so long I have to say “ that’s enough” and it feels like he’s testing me .

It is not better to stay in a relationship with an abusive man for the sake of the children, even if they have SEN.

The forced kissing is also abuse.

No, it’s not ok to mock you. It’s horrible, cruel and disrespectful.
Also, if you don’t want to be touched, no means no. If he continues then it’s assault.
The relationship with your husband sounds over and I can see your difficulties re separation. I think you need some back up to help you see your options clearly. Is there a support group for the type of special needs your children have? You could ask your GP for help, some surgeries have access to counselling services.
You could also approach Women’s Aid or a local organisation that supports women.

What made you think he would be violent OP? Has something happened or is it’s behaviour? I’m asking because Dh and I have gone through bad patches but I’ve never thought this. Is his behaviour threatening? It certainly sounds very unpleasant/abusive.

Your hand flapping sounds like it could be stimming btw.

None of that sounds OK.
Are you really certain that the world for your children would be worse if you split?
Me and my siblings were stuck in our parents unhappy marriage. That was low level misery dictated by our Dads moods. We all suffered low self esteem in adulthood.
I wouldn't wish that on my kids

I’m not stimming- my child hand flaps/ this is something different where I shake my hands because I feel so stressed out I have to almost shake it out of my body it’s hard to explain. If I didn’t do it I think if hirt myself or him. I just get flooded with cortisol. Thanks for the suggestions but I am in touch with SEN groups but this is not something that hey can help with. He hasn’t been violent in the past but when he’s angry there is something I find menacing and react to. He wouldn’t hurt me partly because he has a highly professional job which he would lose if he assaulted me. He has smashed a mug in anger but on the other side of a closed door, he slammed the same door so hard once that it left a hole on the wall where the door knob made contact with the wall. He once grabbed by wrist hard and bruised it but it hat was Years ago, about a year ago he grabbed my face and pushed me back against the wall when wr were having t a row ( making me pout if you see what I mean) but nothing I could class as violence. It’s more how upset he makes me and how he always piles on expectation and disappointment when I am exhausted . I used to really love him but I am pretty disgusted by lots of things he has done or not done. He is a very loving, doting father who plays beautifully with the children and we have no extended family etc really so it’s incredibly hard.

My ex Used to do this to me it is absolutely vile hurtful and extremely stressful he used to mimic me crying when I was genuinely crying he used to be really nasty do you not accept this behaviour get rid of him

And he had drink too much last night and denied it but he slurs and I find it repellent. I counted that he has drink 24 bottles of beer in 4 evenings? This is too much right?!

Everything you describe there is violence. He has been violent to you - grabbing your arm, your face, pushing you against the wall - that is violence. The forced kissing is also violence. Don't wait for it to be a punch or a rape. I appreciate you are in a tricky situation but you need to start planning your escape. Get in touch with women's aid. Keep talking on here. You can get out of this - and you must.

Neither of you are happy. You need to talk about this. Its possible to coparent effectively living seperatly.
Your children are NOT better off growing up with this as normal, and if youre both doting parents then you have to find a better way.

He has smashed a mug in anger but on the other side of a closed door, he slammed the same door so hard once that it left a hole on the wall where the door knob made contact with the wall. He once grabbed by wrist hard and bruised it but it hat was Years ago, about a year ago he grabbed my face and pushed me back against the wall when wr were having t a row ( making me pout if you see what I mean) but nothing I could class as violence

The things you've described here absolutely count as violence. He's an abuser and the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is leave him. There are organisations that can help you do this.