Gaming partner

[acupofteamakeseverythingbetter]

Does anyone else have a partner that is in to gaming?

I hate it so much but I know that's his hobby and his way of relaxing. I just feel so lonely and neglected sometimes. Of an evening, he's on his game and I'm sat holding the baby watching tv or pottering around the house.

There no small talk or conversation at all because he has his headphones on talking to his friends.

He knows how I feel about it but continues to be on it almost every evening and weekends too when he gets the chance. He's never present, even if we go out or pop to the cafe he's on his phone and it drives me nuts!

How do I make this better? He is brilliant in other ways like cooking every night, doing the food shopping, walking the dog etc but I feel the conversation and emotional connection is missing recently and that makes me sad and I don't know what to do!

Please tell me how I can persuade him to spend quality time with his family (apart from chucking the computer out the window!)

I suppose the question is, would you put up with it if he was out of the house for the same length of time doing a different hobby ?
And do you get equal time out of the house to yourself ?

That's a good point I hadn't thought of it like that. And absolutely not, I go out to the gym maybe twice a week and go to get my nails done every few weeks but that's it each only for about 1hour 30 mins. I think I'm struggling with the lack of conversation but how can you have a conversation with someone who isn't present in the moment. It's frustrating to say the least. He pulls one headphone off but still has one eye on the game so isn't really listening to what I'm saying

He’s opting out of family life. He’s present, but he’s not.

I think because the computer is in the living room, he thinks he's still spending time with us but if it was in another room such as an office the time he spends on it would be much more obvious.

How do I convince him not to be on it so much? I don't want to set time limits he's not a kid and I'm not his mother!

Well you can’t. He’s choosing his priorities and it’s not you or the baby. So it’s up to you what you do next.

Was he like this before you had children? Or has the amount he plays increased?

Yes, he has every right to do his hobby. You say that he knows how you feel but he still does it. So what happens next is up to you. He won’t change so you accept it, or you change your situation.

You will not be able to change him; you can only change how you react to him.

He knows how you feel but does not care enough to cut down on his gaming time. Cooking every night takes up only a small amount of time; is he cooking from scratch or is he basically turning on the oven to cook a ready meal?.

I would also think that he otherwise rushes the cooking, food shopping and dog walking or does a half assed job of all of that in order to get back to his beloved gaming. The gaming comes first; everything and everyone else does not feature on his priority list.