Does the Truth always out?

[duckbilly]

Do you believe the truth always outs?

Three years ago my birth family were unspeakably horrible to me and my husband. It was after decades of emotional abuse from my siblings, and I decided to walk away, for my own sanity. I do not speak to any of my siblings anymore. It cooincided with my SIL who has a personality disorder, and she played everyone off against eachother and then cast me out.

Since then, through professional support, support from my husband and some very close trusting friends I moved towards acceptance and learning to feel less guilt and shame. They can see things from my side and can see how badly I was treated.

At my lowest I feel tormented by the maltreatment, injustice and hurt. I never confronted them about what they did or said as I was too traumatised- in a state of emotional terror and feared being laughed at once again for expressing my feelings.

Question is: does the truth always out? Or do bad people just get away with it ?

I think that most of the time the truth does come out, eventually. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.

I believe it's enough that you know the truth and it's clear in your mind. Anything else that ripples out as a result of their actions is out of your control. I don't think waiting to be vindicated is a great way to stay sane as all that resentment and rumination is a pretty hefty burden to carry

I think that unfortunately it doesn't, I've never seen it work out that way, usually the opposite.
The best and only thing you can do is walk away and go live the best life you can.

To be honest, no. Most the time it doesn’t.

Don't let waiting for them to get their comeuppance impact your healing. A live well lived is your revenge.

Who can really say? Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. The idea is that, I guess, the older people get, the less able they are to cover-up their true personality and behaviour, and so are more likely to out themselves.

In my case, it did. I reduced contact with my family a few years back due to some pretty awful behaviour. In maintaining this low contact, I also had to make my peace with the fact that people may never see my family how they really are, and that their slander would be something I would have to accept and ignore.

Then just last year, my family treated a lot of people in our church community very, very badly, and now they have no credibility and/or friends remaining. This was and is quite a sad situation, because I do not believe they see themselves as anything but righteous and good people, and so they continue to blame everyone else for their poor behaviour and decisions.

I'm not sure what you mean in this context.. who do you want it to come out to if they're your family? How could it come out?

Not always.

It sounds as if you were bullied and scapegoated. If that's the case then they may have needed to find someone else to fulfil that role. You were strong to leave. It all depends of anyone else in the family sees whats really going on. Most bullies end up quite lonely eventually as everyone becomes wary of them - even people they think are allies. It's a terrible life strategy.

That has been my experience. I got out and was ostracised by the whole family. Ten years later, golden child brother having finally experienced my DMs dysfunction himself has now gone NC along with the associated ostracism by the rest of the family.

He is claiming an epiphany, that I was right all along (I was the whistle blower since I was knee high) " let's get together and play happy families". Unfortunately it's too late for me, the damage has been done especially as he was my mother's sidekick in the scapegoating since I was a small child.

So the truth has come out, I have been validated but my family destroyed by my mother in the process. No winners in this.

@Dacquoise I think that might be the same for me- if the truth ever does out it would have been too late

You sound like a really nice person op . They are missing out not having a relationship with you
.
Make it their loss and don't give them another thought..

@Creepymanonagoatfarm that's a nice thing to say. Thank you xx

Bad people usually get away with it.

My mil snubbed me and her dgc when it was born. Been 7 years +now. Her loss. We are happier without her poison around us. And no dc needs that sort of relative.

The thing with this is, once you get out, heal from the abuse (which takes a long time admittedly) and move on with your life, it doesn't really matter what happens to the perpetrator/s.

It was nice being validated, made me feel warm and fuzzy but I really don't care anymore, the anger has gone and I feel completely meh towards these individuals. That's the reward. Free as a bird, never going back. The best revenge is really being happy in yourself.

Emotional trauma is really hard to get past - I long to let it go