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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family estrangement

2 replies

Anonymousandupset · 18/09/2022 09:54

I am so upset and don’t know what to do. My brother and his wife fell out with me nearly two years ago. My wife’s father had put some horrendous pro terrorism comments on social media and I told my brother I had seen them and they were very triggering/ brought back child hood trauma. He went ballistic and said I has upset his wife (who was fine with the comments) and they wanted nothing more to do with me, he sent me hateful messages saying he wished I never existed/ I had always been an embarrassment/ everyone hates me.
Anyway, even though I try really hard to get over it and accept it, what I can’t get over is that my mother didn’t stick up for me. Nor my father as they are scared if they do they won’t be allowed to see their grand children.
I had a meltdown yesterday (triggered by my brother) when I was with my mother. I have been in a terrible state. And my dad has just went ballistic at me- telling me to just ‘get over it’ and that I was making him and my mother ill.
I have been for counselling already. But I just feel so broken.

OP posts:
BeggarsMeddle · 18/09/2022 15:41

Well... I don't know what to advise but I have been estranged from my family (over a disastrous relationship I had) so know how painful that can be.

How was your relationship with your brother before the falling out? Clutching at straws here but could he be using you raising the comments as an excuse to start the process of ensuring you are totally out of the family? Was he the proverbial 'golden child' when you were growing up?

Why would you commenting on your FIL's comments upset your SIL according to your brother? Obviously you don't have to answer these questions - just wondered whether there's a pattern to these things.

Anonymousandupset · 18/09/2022 23:29

Thanks so much for replying- you are spot on. He was the ‘golden child’. The fall out happened not long after I moved back to the same place as him and parents after 15 years in another country and I suspect his nose was out of joint.
With regards to the FIL comments apparently my SIL felt ‘awkward’ that she was being judged and didn’t feel I had the right to criticise him (as just a difference in political opinion apparently- I don’t see praising a bombing campaign and your part in it as a political opinion).
I have calmed down again now, but just exhaust myself when I have these meltdowns about it all every few weeks 😢

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