Hi,
first time posting - sorry for the long one but my head is in turmoil and I just don’t know what to do…..
been with hubby for 13 years, we have 3 beautiful kids together ranging from 8 - 2 years.
I have BPD and have struggled with my mental health for 20 years.
I am on meds and have had therapies through the years and have recently referred myself again after talking to my CPN.
As with any relationship, we’ve had our struggles and bumps in the road but always managed to sort them out (usually with me backing down as I apparently make mountains out of mole hills)
A little while back, I went in a night out with the girls, ended up seeing a male friend who then came with us and walked me home from my friends as he lives very close to me.
My husband went ballistic, accused me of cheating, had a go at my best friend and my friend that walked me home even though nothing happened and my friend just made sure I got home ok.
So, he was going to leave but I begged him to stay to work things out.
Since then, although he says he trusts me and doesn’t hold that night against me, he’s thrown it in my face on numerous occasions and basically, he’s saying (without directly saying) I have to give up my social life (because I’m a bad drunk - again, his thoughts only and not that of me or my friends) because he doesn’t trust or like my best friend or give up my marriage because he will never be ok with me going out drinking.
Granted, pre kids, I could be a massive arse whilst drunk but I went t-total for over 3 years and now feel I have a handle on it and now my limits - so I understand that leaves a bitter taste, but I’ve been going out with friends for over a year, one or twice a month, and not once before has it caused an issue - just since that night when he kicked off.
So, out of principal, I don’t feel I should give up my friends or little bit of social life, which means he will be leaving.
I’m so scared that I’m making a mistake.
I need to add, that this isn’t the first time we’ve been at loggerheads over something.
a few months prior to this, it was because I wasn’t affectionate enough or giving him sex enough.
I have repeatedly said I’m struggling with my mental health - and in the end his response was ‘he’s not superman and can’t always pick up my slack because I’m struggling’ although when I raised that point yesterday he told me I only made him aware of my MH struggles on Wednesday so he hasn’t has time to fully support me - he was aware of my increase
in medication and my referral to therapy so I kind of assumed that would indicate that something wasn’t quite right.
I’m so scared I’m making the wrong decision in sticking to my guns and letting him leave…… it’s going to break the kids hearts and I feel so so sad about the whole thing but I feel that I have jumped through so many hoops before to ‘save my marriage’
How do I know what to do????
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as my mind is such a muddle!
Thank you x