My DH is a lovely guy. He's kind and generous with his time and money. We have lots of friends. My friends in particular think he's great. He's intelligent and quick and we bounce off each other well.
There's just one huge problem and it permeates everything. He's fat and he snores. Very, very fat and it affects everything.
He snores so loudly that we haven't really slept in the same bed for years. A decade probably. Earlier in the year, after a particularly shit holiday where he disturbed the whole family he spoke to his doctor and was eventually diagnosed with severe sleep apnoea. He's been given a Cpap machine.
I knew he'd get this machine. I'd told him I thought he had this probably ten years ago. However, he never went to the doctor so we all listened to him snore for another ten years. The only thing that stopped his going to the doctor is lack of planning/actually ringing to make an appointment. I had to nag, nag, nag to get him to the doctor and eventually make the appointment for him.
Thing is, the sleep apnoea affects his whole life. Put a film on- he'll fall asleep watching it. Sit down in the middle of the day-he'll fall asleep. Traffic jam- fall asleep! He's fallen asleep with the kids in the car on the motorway.
The monitoring for the sleep apnoea told his that in his worst hour, he was woken by his own lack of oxygen 40odd times in an hour. He never gets into deep sleep and for all that snoring, doesn't wake up refreshed.
So, now he has the cpap. It's amazing- we can't hear him snore. Problem is he just can't be arsed to put it on!!!
On a personal level, I'd pinned everything on this. I wanted my husband back. I thought we might sleep together again. I was looking forward to having sex more than once a year. He would have more energy. We could go away. We could go on family bike rides. He would lose some weight and be healthier. I don't want a fat husband and I don't want my kids to grow up thinking morbidly obese is normal. And sleep apnoea isn't just snoring- it increases the risk of heart disease and all sorts of health problems. He'll die young and I'll be left managing that with three small kids.
I'm heart crushingly disappointed. He just doesn't get how selfish it is. I've been so accommodating that he doesn't feel he needs to put the effort in. I should have known how this really when I had to book the doctors appointment for him. I'm so angry. He won't listen to me. There's always an excuse. I get that it's uncomfortable but feel that he should persevere.
I don't know what I want. Thanks for listening I suppose. Just for clarity- the doctor has said he'll likely lose weight if he uses the machine due to metabolism changes and increased energy level.