Trying to help my devastated friend

[4seasons]

Friend’s husband of 30+ years has been having an affair and telling lots of lies to cover his tracks. She forgave another affair some time ago but this time has had enough. I know that on Mumsnet I’ve seen “ get your ducks in a row “ on threads but can anyone tell me in practical terms what this involves.
I fear he will bully her into giving up things to make his life easier financially. She’s always worked for charities so doesn’t earn great money at all. He earns considerably more ( has a better pension ) but still not a great salary ( public services ).

Get legal advice. Have you a woman's aid Centre near you?

She needs to get hold of as much financial information as possible. Value of house (approximately) outstanding mortgage, savings, investments, pensions etc and then see a solicitor to get advice on the sort of split of assets she should be looking for so she knows what is likely to be fair. If he has a local authority pension that will be worth serious money if he's worked for LA's for a long time. She will definitely want a pension sharing agreement out in place.

As @redastherose says, your friend needs to get her hands on as much financial info as possible, his salary, pension, savings. If they have a joint savings account she should remove half ASAP. Also remove anything of value that’s hers from the house ( jewellery, antiques etc..)
Then take the financial info to a solicitor.
As a minimum she’ll be entitled to 50% of the house value ( watch he doesn’t do a deal and get it undervalued)
In a financial claim she may get a percentage of pension or a lump sum in lieu.
Financial info, then solicitor.

She. Needs. A. Solicitor. As soon as humanly possible, before he beats her to it. She needs to get tough.

Thank you for the lists of things she needs to do . The problem with getting a solicitor involved is that she simply can’t afford it. It would eat up too much of any equity she received from the sale of their house. Also , I’m not sure that she wants the house sold . Her DH is expecting to be able to come and go to the house as and when he feels like it whenever he’s not staying with his OW .What can she do about this ? I’ve suggested CAB as a first point of call and making appointments to see her bank manager / mortgage lender. Is there anything else people can think of that she needs to do ?

False economy not to get legal advice.

Yes she absolutely must get a solicitor. There are some who operate on a fixed fee, so she can budget for it. I had one and he was excellent. As Beamur says, it's a false economy not to. She's more likely to end up with a better settlement with one, than without.

Op, your friend can't afford not to get a solicitor. She may be able to get all of her fees paid for by her husband in the settlement. She needs to act fast and be ruthless.

She should quietly pull all the joint financial info she can, and go see a solicitor

They will explain the financial split. After 30 years it will be pretty even - pensions, savings property will be split. If she doesn’t want to sell the house right now, they can agree something around that.

She absolutely needs a solicitor, I really doesn’t need to cost much and they’ll take the fee off the settlement. many work to fixed fees.

Not getting legal advice is one of the biggest reasons women get poor settlements, it allows their husbands (who have no such scruples) to walk all over them, and this one sounds like he’s good at that.

Encourage your friend not to be an idiot or allow this man to treat her like one any longer.

If she seeks legal advice now, he will be paying half of it (presuming the finances are split 50/50) Same as if he seeks legal advise. It really is in her best interest to get legal advice.