Silence - reason to worry?

[ouanose]

My ex recently sent a letter from a solicitor saying he wanted a paternity done on our son. I said I would do that if it was in a clinic not the home test he had suggested. I also said I would only do this if he summarised what he intended regarding his baby re involvement. I asked this because for weeks I had tried to get clarity and he just ignored me. I wasn’t prepared to run and get a test without him explaining briefly if he wanted involvement (for context I have always said he can be as involved as he likes, I just need to know). A month later and no reply. I wonder if he sent this out of spite as he’s no reason to think baby isn’t his or whether he is up to something else now like some other nasty letter. All I’ve wanted is a conversation to move on but he will not speak. I stopped bothering weeks ago. None of it makes sense as he seemed desperate to be a dad. I have zero feelings for him but would just like my life to feel calmer and it doesn’t with this going on.

Does he pay maintenance?

youve offered to do it at a clinic and he hasn’t responded. If the baby is his then it doesn’t matter what he’s upto. How much contact does he have at the moment? Why would he be considering a test? Is their any reason for him to doubt?

I’m sorry if I’ve misread wrong has the baby been born?

@sintrawest no he doesn’t as I wanted to sort it amicably and don’t need it. @Tulua2 a couple of months. He asked right before they were born and it was too late for me to get it done so I offered afterwards but said only at a clinic snd if he can say broadly what he wants in general.

It could be a maintenance thing. Does he see the baby at the moment? If he’s employed he will being looking at a decent sum coming from wage. If he’s self employed different story

is he on birth certificate? Are you married?

My ex will only communicate through solicitors, I feel your pain x

@Tulua2 why is that? Do you know? Mine won’t even tell me why he won’t speak, so odd. I think it’s abusive tbh. It could be maintenance but I always said pay what you want. I just don’t get why he asked if he then doesn’t want to do it.

He had an affair, we got divorced and somehow it’s all my fault 🙄, so now he refuses to talk to me at all.

it’s interesting why he hasn’t responded to the question you asked of why he wants the test, could he just be causing you stress on purpose to upset you?

@Tulua2 that’s what I wondered but tbh never thought he was like that. He has turned out to be deeply unpleasant though so maybe..

Go through the CMS, leaving it up to him is giving him control. You’re not together so not replying about a DNA test isn’t abusive. You thought he was wrong to ask for one so I’d be grateful he’s let it go for now. Open a case with the CMS and put it from your mind. It’s a choice to obsess over his motivations and what he’s doing.

@AnneLovesGilbert i think it’s abusive not to communicate then raise it out of the blue a week before birth. All very odd and complicated.. I don’t want to resort to a claim really

You don’t even recognise them in the end, I would do what the below poster has put and just contact CMS, he clearly isn’t prepared to sort it out with you, and this is taking up brain space for you. Stuff him

The maintenance isn't for you and it shouldn't be a question of whether you need it. It's what your child is entitled to and it's his legal obligation having created a life (which he claimed to want at the time.)

If you don't need it now, put it in a savings account every month and just let it sit. If you became ill and could no longer work, you'd be glad of it then - and if you never need it then it will be a lump sum to give your child when they go off to uni or whatever.

I think the OP is just trying to work out why he has asked for a paternity test not about what to do with child maintenance