Please help. Advice needed! Go big or go home?

[DitaVonMeltedcheese]

Hi folks.

I have an adorable two year old with DH and I would love another, as would he. But DH has demonstrated in no uncertain terms that he is not going to pull his weight even though he says he would. We both work FT on our own business, which we started together but (hands up if this is familiar) I am the main carer for DD as well as working FT at home... because I'm her Mother. I already know he won't do his share if we have another. I know it deep down. He doesn't do any cooking, logistics (doc, daycare, washing etc) for DD but sometimes will put her to bed etc etc.

When I was pregnant he didn't help much, and when she was little he didn't help much. Which sounds awful, but I already knew he'd be like that. I'd love her to have a sibling, despite this. I guess I'm asking has anyone been in similar place and gone for it...or not? I love her sooooo much as a late mum and I come from a big family (overseas) who aren't around for support so I would love some thoughts.

@DitaVonMeltedcheese what’s a late mum? I’d do it but then I would want another even if largely alone in it..

I would have another in your position. You know what he’s like, so it won’t come as a shock that he’s useless. But you can enjoy your children.

Why do you put up with this from him though?

I’d do it in a heartbeat - in fact I sort of did . You know the score, you know how it’ll be and if you go into with your eyes open you won’t be let down

only you know whether longer term his selfishness will make you resentful enough to kill your relationship - I’ve been a single parent since my youngest was 5 , and I don’t regret having a second child

What is her relationship with her Dad like - does he even bother. Because that can be an awful thing to face as a child can you do that to another.

I'm in my 40s, so it's now or never... and I knew how selfish he was when I married him, that's on me! I know he won't change. She loves her dad and he does adore her. The marriage will take work, but I guess they all do... I have to think about what I want. Thanks everyone. That has really helped.

Pass the business responsibility to him if he's domestically incapable. Children need their parents and they're an absolute joy mostly many people would grab that opportunity.
It's what you feel comfortable with OP. You know you will be pretty much single parenting. It's your choice.

I wouldn't do it. Even if you're ok with him being shit, I don't think it's a good example to be modelling to a child. What lessons are they going to learn about relationships if mum does all the cooking, cleaning and domestic servitude alongside working?

At the very least I'd make sure you have an exit plan so if you feel you have to leave him further down the track you are able to be independent.

I'd only have another if I had reconciled myself to being a single parent to two DC.

Because your DH's lack of support will eventually lead to you leaving him when your resentment of the situation becomes too great.

I would but he would need to take over all of my business responsibilities

I would not choose to have another child with such a selfish man. What if your children grow up to think it’s ok for their male partners to dump the responsibility of child care and domestic workload on them ?