Should I give this a chance or not bother?

[Pinkpurplesky]

I met with a guy on bumble for a drink the other night. It was a pleasant evening, we had a couple of drinks, he was quite funny and he gave me a kiss at the end. He spoke about himself a fair bit but other than that seemed like a nice guy.

Later he texted if I wanted to go to his on the weekend for a takeaway and some games, and I said I’d go.
But now it’s tonight and I’m a little unsure.

First I don’t know whether it’s a red flag to go to his, and also I dunno if I’m being too picky but his texting is really dry, he will just say things like “morning” “just had a shower haha” “How’s your evening”. Also he’s not a great speller/doesn’t have great grammar and I dunno if it’s ridiculous but it kind of puts me off. I know it’s not all about that though.
Another thing is that he’s very available, he was free to do this every night this week.

I feel bad because I said I’d go, and now it’s tonight. He said he brought a bottle of my favourite cider and he said he’d get the takeaway so I would feel awful.

Am I being too picky? Do I give it a chance?

You've met him once and he's already suggesting dates at home??? This is as good as it gets with this man, I'm afraid.

If you're looking for a relationship, which it sounds like you are, throw him back in the sea, and don't look back.

I would not go OP. He just wants sex. If he had any interest in getting to know you, he would have not engineered a 'date' like this just to get sex.

And also, you do not owe him anything. Just because he is getting drink and food, it does not mean you owe sex to him!

Thank you all. I genuinely have a huge headache today. Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t go 😂

Don't go. You are being very naive if you think that this is about anything more than just sex.

Second dates at a man's home are always low-effort and high hopes antics to get a woman into bed. Hold yourself in higher regard if you are looking for a relationship, unless you too want some no strings attached fun - in which case go for it, but please be safe.

I hate bad spelling and grammar, puts me off totally. The conversation doesn't sound great either. Doesn't neccesssarily mean he's just after sex but it sounds like you're the type to want more satisfying conversations.

What don't you know? You don't want a relationship, and he turns you off. What are you confused about? Why do you think you should see him again?

Nah I wouldn’t go to his house.

What do YOU want OP? You not bothered about a relationship and you’re not looking for a ONS. Why are you on bumble?

You don't sound that excited about it. And its a low effort on his part. Its also risky, you don't know him, he is presumably bigger and stronger than you, so you are taking a risk going to his house alone. I wouldn't be taking a risk for someone I'm not that excited about.

He sounds lazy, unromantic and just after one thing. Move on OP.

Yeah… a friend of mine did that. Second date at the guy’s place. Had sex. Every “date” thereafter was at his place as he said he was too busy to do otherwise.

In fairness, she went in with her eyes open - she wanted to shag him senseless too - but, by her own admission, it got pretty boring fast.

If you want “Netflix and Chill” hook-ups but don’t want to call it that, go ahead. But if you’re looking for romance and actual dating there’s better out there.

Thank you all for the comments!
In the end I basically said I felt uncomfortable going round on the second date, and that I don’t think this is what I’m looking for, and I wish him the best.

He got arsey and said:
”What did you think I was asking you round for? If you think it was for sex then you’re wrong but oh well. It wasn’t for that”

A little too defensive for me… seems I dodged a bullet. Next!!! 😂

Thank you all again for your insights they really helped!

If it wasn’t for sex, then why not go for a drink or a meal or the cinema or something else? Who wants to stay in in someone’s home when you have just met?

I met someone and for the second date he wanted me to go round to his and he would cook. He went on and on about it. I told him I would prefer a night out. I never heard from him again! Oh except when he was occasionally in my area and phoned to ask would I like a visitor.

This isn't dating.
This is just hooking up.
A lot cheaper than hookers for the guys (Cost= takeaway and bottle of cider).
Fine of course if you just want a hook-up too.

But if you want more than hook-up you have to not engage with guys like this once they reveal they aren't looking to date and potentially form relationships.

I must admit how many women I’ve know have actually honestly believed this kind of thing was dating - excusing the lack of actual dates as difficult logistics or not important - when, as a bloke myself, it seems blatantly obvious the men in question are essentially after a hook-up but won’t outright say it (presumably because the women would turn them down if they did).

Fair enough if both parties want to hook-up, but wish people would be transparent about it. Given all the shit my gender gets it makes me actively pissed off that guys can get away with being so lazy and get excused for it, when I personally try a bit harder.😠

I find it astonishing too @TossACoinToYerWitcher how many women seem to want to date but not really get that shagging guys immediately on the guys whim is not dating.

But I'm pretty fussy about who I get naked with, I've learnt there has to be attraction there (from my part as I'm assuming the guy find me attractive if he wants to see me and have sex with me) in order for me to enjoy sex.

I've also learnt that I'm not into cheap-skates (I'm happy to pay my way) as I like to go out and have fun in a public and safe environment when I am first dating someone.
So a guy who offered a takeaway and bottle of cider is a bit 2020 for me! (I've never been offered that kind of date since lockdown and wouldn't expect to encounter it that early on in dating now we are out of lockdown)