DH not pulling his weight

[Imagonnascream]

Why can't DH keep the baby entertained and quietish for an hour or two?!

DS has been up all night teething and on my boob and DH has begrudgingly taken him downstairs after prompting.

It sounds like mayhem down there.

I'm so tired of the half-assedness, feet-dragging and strategic incompetence.

I've spoke to him about pulling his weight around the house but he gets defensive and says it's not true.

It’s a tactic, so you don’t ask him to do it again.

You're tired of it. I would be too. Question is, what are you going to do about it? You can't even talk to him about how his laziness and weaponised incompetence is affecting the family and your relationship. So, what's the plan? Because I promise you, there are no magic words with men like this. I wouldn't want this to be my life and I wouldn't want my son to grow up thinking that this was the roles men and women played in relationships.

Your “job” I guess is to look after the baby, everything else stop doing!!! No cooking cleaning or washing for your husband.

Tell him to get baby dressed and take him out.

What do you mean by 'mayhem'?

But it seems like a useless tactic. DH gives DS breakfast most mornings. Though saying that they're quieter since I went down to check and came back up to bed.

I am waiting for some inheritance to get my ducks in a row. Sometimes I can't tell if I am being unreasonable.

Yes but then I have to live in filth.

Yesterday after putting the baby to sleep (over an hour) I came down and he had washed the dishes and started the recycling but the dinner table needing clearing, food put away, laundry hung up and some also put away.

We had planned to watch something together but I was annoyed he hadn't cleared up so went to bed instead. He said I was being unfair as he was tidying up whereas I think it's unfair that he sits on the couch for the first 45 minutes then starts to tidy up when we'd planned to relax together. I just feel like I never stop but maybe I'm being unfair and he can sit on the couch after doing bathtime?

I suppose that you can’t expect someone to do what you want done. I’ve wrestled with this for years, and come to accept that you do what you want doing.
I get annoyed at money my DH spends, but he does earn it. And I get annoyed that he doesn’t clean like me, but he cleans the way he thinks is right.
You have to decide between being on your own and having it down your way, or accepting it done differently with someone else and the company/help/money they bring.

Why does it matter if they're making noise? Why are you 'going down to check'? By the sounds of it he is pulling his weight, you just don't want hom

*him parenting in a manner different to you. Trying to micromanage a partner's parenting is asking for trouble and I suggest you back off in that regard

Yes, I know I have a problem micromanaging. I don't think I trust him fully since our baby and it's hard not to check when DS is upset because he was hungry and needed changing.

What would happen if you told him you wanted to have a schedule? So you could open the conversation without criticising him; tell him you want both of you to do things differently, and be a bit more organised, so you can relax because you know what needs to be done by who and when? If nothing else, you could then schedule in rest periods for yourself.

We alternate night times so whoever is putting little one to bed does the tidying up. OH doesn't do it how I would like but he's actually getting better, without too much prompting! Just feels abit fairer, if gets struggling getting little one to sleep I do help if he asks but it doesn't take much. They say parenting is just a constant battle if who does the most!

You are at one of the worst parts of married life for many people. Give it until the baby is 18 months and see how you feel.

In the meantime, get yourself rested, get back to work and don’t get pregnant with number 2. Lazy men are a lot more common than I ever realized.