Abuse Denial

[LostFreedom]

I split with my abusive exH 15 years ago, since moved on in every way.

I won’t go into past details (may be outing) but my abusive ex did 6 months in prison for a physical attack on me although he abused me in every way for years. He also eventually left for a woman he had been having an affair with (and yes it shouldn’t have been the affair that ended it, I realise that).

I recently had to have contact with him due to one of our adult children and long story short he’s says I’ve lied about the whole thing, he denies the affair, the abuse and everything, I feel like I did when this first happened and all the healing has now been undone.

I knew he demonised me to his family and friends which is not uncommon but this has made me feel abused all over again.

I’m not even sure what I want from this thread really? Thanks for reading.

What an awful experience.

That is absolutely par for the course with narcissistic abuse. The denial, rationalisation, gaslighting. It is a horrible experience but you can be almost guaranteed that he believes the version of events he tells himself. Cruelty, manipulation sadly often charisma too all part of it. But know too that at its very core and the heart of the condition is a void that can never be feel by anything. Whereas in time you can recover and become a good normal human being he can only ever be what he is deficient in every way it is to be human.

Thanks for your response BudgetBlast.

I’m thinking of getting some counselling again, I know it sounds dramatic but I don’t want to have to go through the same process as last time, I’m sure I’ll be ok.

Thing that bothers me the most is I’m the only one he treated like that (and our kids), it’s as if he just had a deep hatred of me and anything connected to me although any normal person would have ended the relationship rather than torture the other person!

I doubt you are the only person he treated badly along they way. They are so good at hiding their past misdemeanours. The gaslighting is so awful. You know him and what he is capable of that is the difference between you and a lot of the other people in his life. Victims always know abusers the best.

Yeah because you do six months gor being agood person 🙄

He's an abuser and continues to be. He will always degrade you. But that's not who you are today...is it?!

You're probably a nice person in the way that most people are. It was never about you, it's about his lack of self confidence and belief about himself that made him undermine you.
His nature is to undermine anyone he has a relationship with. Please be thankful you escaped and be wary about what info you share about your child .

He’s a shithead. Ignore him.