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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is my mum right?

32 replies

axeri · 16/09/2022 16:55

In pregnancy my ex became really difficult. Started accusing me of random things, silent episodes, lots of drinking. I called him a cunt on a few occasions when I just wasn’t coping with what he was doing.

When things ended in pregnancy he point blank ignored me for 3 months. Had to chase for maintenance etc. Family all said he was terrible at the time. Dc is now two and me snd my mum had a row today and she said ‘you deserved everything you got with ex if you swore at him like this.’

i have a huge guilt complex as it is and this has really messed with my head. Honesty is she right? I have to face it if so.

OP posts:

AMindNeedsBooks · 16/09/2022 23:56

Cloverforever · 16/09/2022 19:08

Look up reactive abuse @axeri, I think you might find it interesting (just to be clear, he could be using your normal reaction to his awful behaviour to turn the blame around onto you).

This clearly isn't my thread, but thank you for this.

JellyJolly · 17/09/2022 02:05

No of course you didn’t deserve that, sounds like you and your mum were both lashing out at each other? Make up with her and then you can ask her directly x

SandyY2K · 17/09/2022 02:28

You need to find another way to deal with disagreements and anger, because that kind of language is foul and very disrespectful to speak to your mum like that.

Would you want your child to swear like that at you? Well you swear when your child annoys you?

Maybe that's part of what caused your relationship to break down...who knows. It takes 2 to tango.

BloodyCamping · 17/09/2022 03:03

Your mum was wrong and unkind. However best find a different way to respond to issues with your parents. Go for a walk to cool down or respond in a few days when you’ve had time to process things.

BloodyCamping · 17/09/2022 03:06

are your parents usually so judgmental and harsh? Was it like this in your childhood? Is this the cause of your self esteem issues?

Aprilx · 17/09/2022 06:40

I have seen so many posts where people have said they would not tolerate being shouted at or sworn at even once. But a poster comes along and said she does this to the people close to her and it is their fault not hers and they probably deserved it! Unbelievable.

OP you do appear to have a track record of using abusive language and yes it is going to drive people away if you don’t address it. My mother wasn’t a great mother for many reasons, but not in my life did I ever swear at her.

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 07:22

You said you feel awful for the way you treated him and lashed out but you're continuing that behaviour. Whether your mom upset you or not you need to worry about your own faults.

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