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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I be suspicious???

25 replies

OnlyMe2022 · 16/09/2022 16:23

Hi everyone!

Name changed for this!!
I will try to keep it as short as possible.
Basically I have this nagging feeling that my GF is hiding something like talking someone she shouldn’t.

firstly she changed jobs at the beginning of the year and started noticing some behavioural changes.
firstly I’ve noticed that if she’s on her phone and I walk past she will shut down whatever she’s on and open a game.
She has also started angling her screen away from me if that makes sense if we are lay next to each other on the bed.
after a few months of this I just thought it was me being a bit paranoid but then one day i noticed she’d be online on WhatsApp whilst I’m cooking then when i would come in the living room she would be playing her game ( this Has happened several times)

I know upto now this seems trivial so I pushed that to the back of my mind.

Then a couple of weeks later a guys name flashed up on her phone which I noticed and I asked “who’s X”?? She then said it was a guy from work probably messaging about the word game they were both playing and shown me… it was but No previous messages before this one.

After this she arrived home one day and we both went straight out in my car leaving hers at home. When we arrived back home later on I noticed her passenger window was half way down and passenger sun visor fully down( it was a warm day), to which I asked “did you drop somebody off before”? In which she replied “No,… I have no idea why it’s like that, that’s mad”.

that brings me to this morning. I’m in bed and she’s up for work (I work shifts) I’m awake and hear her laughing and joking on the telephone. So when she comes up I’m like” everything ok who you talking to at 7am”??
She looked very sheepish “what downstairs”? She asked, “yeah” I said… “oh it was the doctors they have booked me in for a scan”
I then replied with “what at 7am”??
she then said “yeah”.
so I then asked her why she was laughing and joking so much so she came out with some story about the doctors computer was playing up and made a joke out of her not being awake either.

Thank you if you made it this far and would appreciate it if I could get an outsiders pov on this as I have nobody in real life to talk to
i can take it if people say I’m being paranoid and overthinking everything.

I need to add I would never snoop on her phone and never have done but I have a knot in my stomach with all this and don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 16/09/2022 16:28

She wasn't talking to the Dr's at 7am.

itwasntmetho · 16/09/2022 16:29

Yeah that does sound really dodgy.
Have you confronted her directly?

Original poster
OnlyMe2022 · 16/09/2022 16:41

itwasntmetho · 16/09/2022 16:29

Yeah that does sound really dodgy.
Have you confronted her directly?

Only the conversation we had about it up to now as she had to leave for work… think she was aware that I didn’t by into the doctors call.

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 16/09/2022 16:56

Tbf I have had an early call from the GP a year or so ago. They do an early surgery a couple of times a week.

RatherBeRiding · 16/09/2022 16:59

My spidey senses would be tingling - individually these things are nothing but put all together and it does look suspicious.

LooneyToon · 16/09/2022 20:12

8am yes, 7am no

everylittlehelp5 · 16/09/2022 20:14

Go with your gut instinct.

littlemisscreative · 16/09/2022 20:16

go through her phone I think cherchez l'homme sounds like an affair

Notaboutthebass · 16/09/2022 21:12

I know my doctors don't answer the phone until 8!

She's obviously had someone in the car for the sun visor to be down! But says she hasn't - red flag.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/09/2022 21:34

Yes you should be suspicious

It's time to check her phone, although if she routinely deletes his messages then it will be tricky. Stop asking her questions and start digging.

itwasntmetho · 16/09/2022 22:03

I would ask outright and remember you don't need a threshold of proof to end something, anyone can end any relationship for any reason they like.
You are not trapped because you don't have a confession or evidence beyond reasonable doubt.

2catsandhappy · 16/09/2022 22:18

You don't want to look at her phone. ok.

Anything else you have noticed? Working late, sudden interest in the gym or a new pattern of 'meeting a friend'.
It does sound like there is something making her feel guilty and giggly. Add in a man's name that you don't know and I also would put 2 and 2 together.
You could sit her down and tell her bluntly you feel she is pulling away from your commitment together and ask is there something she wants to tell you.

SandyY2K · 16/09/2022 22:21

She won't admit unless you catch her red handed or have hard evidence.

You'll need to find ways to find out the truth or it will keep eating away at you. Your say you don't want to snoop, so unless it drops into your laps, you'll continue to be in the dark.

Her behaviour is suspicious and I'd be thinking she has something going on with another man.

Question... if she was cheating would they be the end of the relationship for you?

It could be an emotional affair perhaps.

7am doctors surgery? I'm not buying it.

CandidClarisse · 16/09/2022 22:31

I think she's lying. She will know you are suspicious so will probably make more effort to cover her tracks.

I'd stop asking her questions and start building up evidence. Chances are she will slip up eventually.
You should also consider ending the relationship if she cannot be trusted.

Msgrieves · 16/09/2022 22:38

Dodgy, sorry. I would not trust anyone who is sketchy with their phone, the angling away thing is a dead giveaway. Move on love.

Surtsey · 16/09/2022 22:46

No idea about any of the rest of it, but on a warm sunny day, I would have both sun visors down in my car, and also sometimes have the passenger window down a bit, for more fresh air to come in. My adult dd does the same in her car.

JellyJolly · 17/09/2022 02:01

It does sound weird. Not sure what to advise, doesn’t seem like she’ll fess up. Before taking action, is it at all possible she may be telling the truth?

Backtoblack1 · 17/09/2022 02:33

Go with your gut. I think there’s more to it sorry

Original poster
OnlyMe2022 · 17/09/2022 09:24

SandyY2K · 16/09/2022 22:21

She won't admit unless you catch her red handed or have hard evidence.

You'll need to find ways to find out the truth or it will keep eating away at you. Your say you don't want to snoop, so unless it drops into your laps, you'll continue to be in the dark.

Her behaviour is suspicious and I'd be thinking she has something going on with another man.

Question... if she was cheating would they be the end of the relationship for you?

It could be an emotional affair perhaps.

7am doctors surgery? I'm not buying it.

Hi thanks for your reply. Absolutely no way on earth would I put up with cheating or an emotional affair. so yes it would definitely be the end of the relationship!!

OP posts:
Original poster
OnlyMe2022 · 17/09/2022 09:37

Thank you everyone for your replies!

I have been digesting everything in my head over the last 24hours and I’ve took all points from everybody’s replies.

I think I’m going to keep an eye on things closely from now on.

As one poster said these incidents could all be pretty much innocent and just be my head catastrophizing everything.

What I am going to say to her the next time she swipes off something when I come in close proximity to her or angles her phone away, I will be having a chat about how that is making me feel like she’s hiding something because that’s not good in any relationship.

Again thanks for the help everyone and I will post if any updates!!

OP posts:
Jellybeanfeels · 17/09/2022 09:40

I'm in an 8 month relationship and one ex from years and years ago still texts from time to time to ask how I am etc. All very innocent and I only mentioned my new man to him recently when he asked.
The only difference is there's no talk of missing each other and it's just to keep in touch, mostly from his part.
I've never mentioned this to my bf as there's literally nothing to tell. Just old friends catching up every few months or so

Jellybeanfeels · 17/09/2022 09:41

Sorry I've cross posted!! I'm in the wrong thread!

hewouldwouldnthe · 17/09/2022 10:01

She's cheating.

Watchkeys · 17/09/2022 14:30

I think I’m going to keep an eye on things closely from now on

If you can't talk to your partner and get a response that makes you feel better, your relationship is a bit screwed whether anything is going on or not.

Why can't you talk to her instead of becoming a detective? Can't you see how unhealthy it is to have to be 'keeping an eye' out for signs of an affair?

You don't trust her. That's the problem.

Mushroomlady · 17/09/2022 14:36

She is lying and not doing a very good job of it.

Why don't you ask to borrow her phone for a sec (pretend you want to check out an app or something) and see how she responds?

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