I feel absolutely sick to my stomach writing this. It might get long but ill be as short as possible to summarise the last 5 years. I'm 42, he is 45. our son is 10.
We both lost a parent each around 5 years ago. Dp had a breakdown due to this but also work related issues, he stopped working, slept all day - I had to force him to go get help through counselling and eventually he returned to college then university, I supported him during this time financially and emotionally, I took over the bills of the house whilst looking after our ds during this time.
During this time my stepdad became terminal with cancer and I was his carer after just doing it for my own grandmother, DP dived right into uni life, parting like a teenager again, not spending quality time with ds, just seeing him in passing etc. This is where I have told him his relationship with ds suffered the most during this period. they began to argue, ds would answer back a lot of his method of punishment would be to stand over him shouting louder and louder until ds would go to his room, or come and find me. I often had to jump in and tell him to calm down and explain there are other ways of asking him to do things that screaming in his face. He blames me for turning ds against him during this period, when I did no such thing. He just didn't show up most days. I would still try to initiate family days out, sometimes he'd come, others he'd be hungover or doing something else, so I began just going with friends instead.
I started going to the gym around this time and fell back in love with exercising again, sometimes I would go do 2 classes a night - it was also a massive thing because i'd always worked from home, so I enjoyed having time to myself out of the house). It was here he first accused me of having an affair because I stayed out so long each time I would go. Going to fast forward, we had some awful times hating each other, separate bedrooms etc, but since lockdown and being forced to spend time with each other we got on quite a lot more. We've been more like room mates but we do family days and dates together, mostly breakfast out just the 2 of us or lunch together as we struggle for childcare.
Last weekend he went away to for a couple of days (I go with friends so thought nothing of it at all) - 6 hour drive place from where we are. He told me he was going to help his friend do jobs on their house, go to the Beach etc have a chilled couple of days away. In that time he didn't text or call me once until the Sunday afternoon to say he was coming home. I admittedly didn't text him either. He text ds on sat morning to say he was going to the beach, ds text back and that was the end of it.
He got home Sunday around 7, and seemed upset as only the dog had jumped up to see him, I pointed out we'd not heard from him in 3 days, why would we be excited. He later had an argument with DS over coming off the xbox (his issue has always been if he says switch it off now he expected you to switch it off that second, whereas myself will say ok 2 minutes then you need to come off so finish up please). He does not do it that way he stands over him bellowing NOW, repeatedly. So that caused me to jump in to say back off DS there is no reason to speak to him in that way, he told me to F off and I said is that what you want, he said yes. He always tells me off too for defending DS all the time - not all the time but I don't think a 10 year old should have their father stood over them clenching his jaw and fists which is what I saw that night.
I went to bed and the next morning he asked if we could chat. He's adamant that our relationship is going nowhere and It's best he leaves and wants to rebuild his life and his relationship with DS that I have ruined because I have turned him against me. He tells me sex is very important to him and he has to go find someone to make that connection with again now. Ive asked him repeatedly who he was with last weekend and he says why does it matter, I don't need to know, I said well your leaving me with no choice but to believe you've had an affair, he said I can assume whatever I want. He is adamant he wants to leave as quickly as he can.
The hate he came at me with this past week since Monday is just baffling. I don't understand where its come from at all? He's not the person I met 22 years ago. I don't know who he is but I do not like him. I told him I thought we were doing ok, taking it slowly again, dating almost back to square one.
Im honestly so confused what has happened the past week, I haven't eaten, i've hardly slept at all.I feel like i've been run over. He on the other hand has been eating fine, has a night out planned tonight to see a show he'd got tickets for ages ago and is on the surface going about his life as usual.
Its what I think it is isn't it. I can wrap my head round someone else, but it's the lying to me I just feel sick to my stomach about. The time i've wasted helping build him up, the shit I went through when he accused me of having an affair.
What do I do next, Im ready for a fight I just need people in my corner who know what to do and what to think about because I cant see past my nose at this minute. Its been 5 days since he told me this and has been going about everything quite friendly and normal, even tried to hug me a few times too.