Still being gaslighted & manipulated by Ex partner

[Omaze21]

Hi,

I had posted before about my ex while I was still with him. Back story there were a tonne of lies, gas lighting, manipulation, gambling, finished with me every argument small or big etc etc.

I feel like I just need a little rant.

We have been split up for a while now but things are still really bad, so up and down. I try to be as amicable as possible but I think he thinks that’s grounds for me taking him back.

And when he realises that’s not happening all hell brakes loose with sending me abusive txts etc. We have a toddler, that we are trying to co parent.

But since we have split the lies continue.

As in Ive found out multiple times he’s not in his work when he’s told me to my face that morning he away there. Now I’m not overly fussed if he is or not it just the lying that’s still hurting me.

We have a childminder who is absolutely terrible, always cancelling on me, causing me high levels of stress and missing my work.

Today she cancelled for the 2nd time this week, dd only goes twice a week.

My ex (while dropping my dd off said he get away early from work to help, I was crying just with stress)

fast forward a couple hours I find out he’s not actually in work, he actually went back to his bed!!
now again it’s not that he’s off, he’s allowed to do that. It’s just the lying I’m really really struggling with.

And when I catch him in the lie (first says he is indeed in work, then it’s he’s wfm) he then gas lights me, says horrible things to me, says I’m the one with worrying behaviour etc)

I feel like I should go down the proper route so I don’t have to come across such lies.

but 1. I feel guilty for my child doing it this way and 2. don’t even know where to start.

Any advice?

Get a new childminder! That you can sort out. Do not believe anything your ex says and go grey rock with him.

It wouldn't be at all a bad thing if you went down the legal route, finances and access, just to have routine and a less stressed mum.

Children need routine, that is all that is important now between you and him, your child together.

And yes start looking for a new, reliable childminder.

Tbf you're giving yourself extra stress letting his lies bother you. He lies you know this, so assume he us lying every time ge talks and just take everything with a pinch of salt. Who cares if he is in work or not or lying about! He's your ex, stop giving him so much headspace.

And next time he sends you abuse - go to the police. You have to stop trying to be nice and compromising with his sort. They take it as weakness. And they attack weakness.

This

Thanks for your replies!
I feel a lot better about the situation now.
Yes I need to have very little communication. And definitely need to find new childcare.
I have thought about going to the police before about the messages but felt they wouldn’t do anything.
Im fully aware I need to work on my people pleasing ways too.