Reposted as didn’t get any responses
DCs father isn’t involved hasn’t seen them since jan 2021 no contact at all with them since then, however he does message me occasionally asking how they are (posted about him before)
At first I use to respond as I was keeping line of communication open thinking maybe he would ask to see them at some point but he didn’t, as time went on it became clear he has no intention of seeing them so I decided to not respond anymore to his messages as it felt like he was just fishing for information but with no intentions to see them. The messages would always go the same way it was almost as if he was copying and pasting the message every couple of months.
He continues to message occasionally think every 3 months kind of thing but it has surprised me how many people I’ve told this to who think I should still remain in contact with him?! Despite the fact he has no intention of seeing our children and doesn’t want to, so why am I maintaining contact with him? If we didn’t have kids I wouldn’t speak to him so as he isn’t seeing them I don’t see why people think I should still continue to speak to him, he was abusive to me so I find his messages triggering and his name flashing up on my phone is unsettling especially after months of no contact it just brings it all back, I feel unable to move on as he is still there in the back ground and not even seeing our children. I’ve seen people suggest to women who have abusive exes to go through a third party so they don’t have to speak to them, or use apps so they don’t have their number; or even to block them and unblock them when they have the kids so why do so many people I speak to seem to think I should remain in contact with him when he isn’t even seeing them so no need?
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The reasons I’ve had is that I should keep the lines of communication open? And I need to prove to my children that I did everything I could and never stopped contact, why is this up to me to prove? Why is the onus on me to prove I never stopped contact? I shouldn’t need to keep in contact with him to “prove” anything? My kids are older now (Not teens but old enough to be aware) so aware he just doesn’t bother so I don’t see why I need to keep in contact with him to “prove” anything, he could easily lie anyway and say he tried, I guess what I’m getting at is women with abusive exes Who have contact with their children are told not to have direct contact with their ex go through 3rd party/ block them unless they have the kids/ use apps to avoid direct contact so why when my ex isn’t involved at all do so many people think I’m still suppose to stay in contact with him? I’ve wanted to block him so many time the years but this is holding me back that so many think I’m wrong to cut contact with him