Page 2 | Accidentally saw DP's old wedding and engagement photos

subolooo · 2022-09-16T07:16:19+00:00

I know we all have a past, especially when we get to 40+ years old and I knew all about DP's past marriage and relationships when we got together. But, yesterday I saw photos of him and his ex, while he was proposing to her and on their wedding day. I knew of her as we move in the same circles but had never actually taken much notice until I saw those photos. I know I'm being silly but seeing them so happy, how he proposed to her and what they were wearing etc has really knocked me for 6. I do feel really silly for writing this as once its written down it looks so insignificant but its really affected me and I'm not sure how I can get it out of my head. Any ideas most welcome, even if its just to tell me I'm an idiot.

zonky · 16/09/2022 16:40

It's interesting to read as a lot of these men went from childless to being with women with a child (ren). I wonder if that was a missing piece in their previous relationships?? Unfortunately the men might be "happy" for now with you, but nobody can predict the future and your current relationship could also end and become a "memory" though I suspect being older their "market value" is less than it was so they're likely to try and succeed the second time round (OLD) is grim as you get older! Sorry to be pessimistic but nobody wants to end up alone so maybe it's better a woman with pets and children in tow then nobody!

CousinKrispy · 16/09/2022 17:25

I'd rather hang out with you and your kids and pets than the glam first wife with perfect hair and makeup, OP ;-)

I can understand this being hard and thinking about a partner's past can often feel strange! Time is a great healer, hopefully this will just feel better after you've had more time to mull it over and then put it aside?

Charliehaus · 16/09/2022 19:15

i remember when I was round at my boyfriends I found a box full of old pics of him and his ex, engagement ring certificate, wedding pics, love letters
I had a good snoop but just thought well these need to be chucked out.
a lot of men are crap at chucking things out
years later and now happily married I took a pic of us out of a photo frame and behind it was a pic of him and his ex at the Eiffel Tower he’s so lazy he didn’t even think of binning the first pic.

TheVolturi · 16/09/2022 19:19

We all have a past. Most have been happy at one point or we wouldn't have got married. Doesn't mean it was a bed of roses for the duration. And they split for a reason!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 16/09/2022 19:25

KentuckyDerbyandJoan · 16/09/2022 10:16

Here’s some advice: grow up OP 🙄

@KentuckyDerbyandJoan

And some for you... bugger off

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 16/09/2022 19:28

zonky · 16/09/2022 16:40

It's interesting to read as a lot of these men went from childless to being with women with a child (ren). I wonder if that was a missing piece in their previous relationships?? Unfortunately the men might be "happy" for now with you, but nobody can predict the future and your current relationship could also end and become a "memory" though I suspect being older their "market value" is less than it was so they're likely to try and succeed the second time round (OLD) is grim as you get older! Sorry to be pessimistic but nobody wants to end up alone so maybe it's better a woman with pets and children in tow then nobody!

@zonky

what a nasty post.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 16/09/2022 19:31

Charliehaus · 16/09/2022 19:15

i remember when I was round at my boyfriends I found a box full of old pics of him and his ex, engagement ring certificate, wedding pics, love letters
I had a good snoop but just thought well these need to be chucked out.
a lot of men are crap at chucking things out
years later and now happily married I took a pic of us out of a photo frame and behind it was a pic of him and his ex at the Eiffel Tower he’s so lazy he didn’t even think of binning the first pic.

Why do you think they need to be thrown out? They're his memories, not yours.

Charliehaus · 16/09/2022 19:55

Because she had an affair behind his back and he didn’t want the box of stuff, he had actually asked her if she wanted it and she said no.
so hun he didn’t want those memories.

MN never fails to be bitchy.

OldFan · 16/09/2022 20:48

How can someone even photo their proposing? Unless others were there to photo it I suppose, but that's arguably not the classiest thing, to propose in front of an audience. It could be a sign that something wasn't quite right.

@subolooo They weren't married long, so it obviously wasn't a match made in heaven. x

SandyY2K · 16/09/2022 21:58

@zonky

It's interesting to read as a lot of these men went from childless to being with women with a child (ren). I wonder if that was a missing piece in their previous relationships??

I noticed that as well. I also think depending on the age of the man, he may not want or be too old to become a parent, so being open to a woman with kids widens the net.

One thing I find with these posts is the comments that say things like...

They couldn't have been happy
It was just for show
The ex wife was a practice run

It's better to accept that they were happy at that time, but that time has passed. Relationships change, people change and his past, is just that...HIS PAST.

You're his present and hopefully his future.

Mydogmylife · 16/09/2022 23:09

zonky · 16/09/2022 16:40

It's interesting to read as a lot of these men went from childless to being with women with a child (ren). I wonder if that was a missing piece in their previous relationships?? Unfortunately the men might be "happy" for now with you, but nobody can predict the future and your current relationship could also end and become a "memory" though I suspect being older their "market value" is less than it was so they're likely to try and succeed the second time round (OLD) is grim as you get older! Sorry to be pessimistic but nobody wants to end up alone so maybe it's better a woman with pets and children in tow then nobody!

Unnecessarily harsh

TossACoinToYerWitcher · 16/09/2022 23:34

zonky · 16/09/2022 16:40

It's interesting to read as a lot of these men went from childless to being with women with a child (ren). I wonder if that was a missing piece in their previous relationships?? Unfortunately the men might be "happy" for now with you, but nobody can predict the future and your current relationship could also end and become a "memory" though I suspect being older their "market value" is less than it was so they're likely to try and succeed the second time round (OLD) is grim as you get older! Sorry to be pessimistic but nobody wants to end up alone so maybe it's better a woman with pets and children in tow then nobody!

Eh??

Or maybe, if you’re dating someone near your age as a divorcee, there’s a good chance they might have kids already?

I’ve heard that’s supposed to be a good thing, yes? Men dating women nearer their age rather than going for much younger early twentysomethings or whatnot?

zonky · 16/09/2022 23:43

TossACoinToYerWitcher · 16/09/2022 23:34

Eh??

Or maybe, if you’re dating someone near your age as a divorcee, there’s a good chance they might have kids already?

I’ve heard that’s supposed to be a good thing, yes? Men dating women nearer their age rather than going for much younger early twentysomethings or whatnot?

Show quote history

It's about taking what you can get because you're fed up of being alone rather than not wanting a child free woman....a lot of people settle as they realise it's either a less desirable option or nothing!

MichaelAndEagle · 16/09/2022 23:43

I think everyone wants to feel special and the only person their partner has ever loved so I guess theres that too.

Do you really want to feel like you are the only person your partner has ever loved?

TossACoinToYerWitcher · 17/09/2022 00:05

zonky · 16/09/2022 23:43

It's about taking what you can get because you're fed up of being alone rather than not wanting a child free woman....a lot of people settle as they realise it's either a less desirable option or nothing!

Show quote history

Or it could be about taking what you’re attracted to rather than not wanting a child free woman?

Like I said, if you’re divorced you’re likely at an age when people you might date might have had kids already. And (pre menopause) it might be they might have more kids together. Happened with my uncle. I can assure you he wasn’t “settling”.