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Original poster

Sleep!

14 replies

CellarDoor100 · 16/09/2022 02:05

Unsure whether I am being unreasonable.

I live with my DP, no kids. On Thursday I had a big day and had to leave home early to catch a train to a meeting in another city. DP was aware. I suggested sleeping in the spare room. He said "no have our room". I assumed this to mean he was going to sleep in our spare room.

Come 3 am Wednesday night, I was tucked up in my bed sound asleep. DP came in, immediately woke me up with his phone on "torch" then lay in bed scrolling on Instagram.

I said please turn the light off Im trying to sleep. He stomped out. I lay there awake from 3am to 6am trying to sleep, but awake and very annoyed.

I had my meeting in another city and was shattered all day. Came home and did the essentials before going to bed and sleep straight away.

The exact same thing has just happened, DP came stomping into bedroom, torch on, then scrolling on phone. I said please turn phone off in sleeping. Now he has stomped off.

I've sent him 2 messages saying please can he stop waking me in the middle of the night especially when he knows I'm tired or he knows I've got something big on. He thinks I'm being unreasonable- his bed too.

I strongly feel my request is reasonable. Just can't believe how fucking inconsiderate he is.

OP posts:
sintrawest · 16/09/2022 03:00

He is unreasonable. Why is he coming to bed so late? He should be creeping in and trying not to wake you. If he wants to carry on scrolling on his phone he should do that elsewhere

sorry OP

Dilbertian · 16/09/2022 03:16

I've just come to bed. Dh is asleep. I came in quietly, with my hand curled around my phone torch on its lowest setting so that the minimum of light came out between my fingers, and the torch turned away from dh. I used the en suite, shutting the door quickly and quietly. I did switch the en suite light on, because I know that if I'm quick shutting the door it doesnt disturb him. Then I sat gently on the bed to get changed and rolled carefully in. I turned my back to dh so that I can use my phone without shining light on his face. And the brightness is turned down to minimum.

When dh has to get up much earlier than me, he gives me the same courtesy. He even dresses in the en suite if he has more than just shorts and a Tshirt to put on.

This is how reasonable, considerate partners behave.

Darbs76 · 16/09/2022 06:52

If he wants to scroll at 3am he should stay downstairs and just come to bed when he’s ready to actually sleep. Fine to do that at 9pm, but not fair waking people in the middle of the night

Original poster
CellarDoor100 · 16/09/2022 08:31

See i don't even think he should COME to bed at 3 am. If it's 3am go to sleep in the spare bed. End of.

To the person who asked why he is coming to bed at 3 am - there is no good reason! He is just up at night not going to bed.

OP posts:
ghsu · 16/09/2022 08:53

Does he have work to go to in the morning?

DrEllie · 16/09/2022 08:59

Sorry but he sounds like an absolute tosser. He's either hugely unaware or doing it on purpose. Neither is a good look.

Original poster
CellarDoor100 · 16/09/2022 09:07

ghsu · 16/09/2022 08:53

Does he have work to go to in the morning?

He works from home starting 9am, same as me.

OP posts:
IodineQueen · 16/09/2022 09:37

CellarDoor100 · 16/09/2022 08:31

See i don't even think he should COME to bed at 3 am. If it's 3am go to sleep in the spare bed. End of.

To the person who asked why he is coming to bed at 3 am - there is no good reason! He is just up at night not going to bed.

I agree with you OP and this would drive me completely bonkers. Why is he coming to bed so late? Does he not have work in the morning?

What is he like in other ways? It sounds almost like he’s deliberately trying to sabotage your sleep.

IodineQueen · 16/09/2022 09:38

Sorry I’ve just realised you answered that question!! I’m a bit sleep-deprived myself.

Pinkbonbon · 16/09/2022 11:36

Sounds like he is doing it deliberately.

Does he have form for tuining things that are important to you?

Things like agreeing to come to something woth you that you are really.looking forwards to then changing his mind at the last minute.

Pinkbonbon · 16/09/2022 11:39

*ruining things.

Fs posted too soon.
But basically thibgs like showing jealousy of your happiness. Or when he is struggling he does things to make sure you are too (eg: keeping you awake when he can't sleep)

mummaforever · 16/09/2022 11:41

He's being unreasonable, selfish, and acting like a spoilt child with stomping off

ErrolTheDragon · 16/09/2022 11:44

He's being very unreasonable. Perhaps you should tell him you'll use the spare room when you absolutely need not to be disturbed. If he complains, you can tell him you tried sticking with the main bedroom but as he didn't seem able to respect your stated need for sleep in there it's simpler all round for you to use the spare

Original poster
CellarDoor100 · 16/09/2022 15:41

ErrolTheDragon · 16/09/2022 11:44

He's being very unreasonable. Perhaps you should tell him you'll use the spare room when you absolutely need not to be disturbed. If he complains, you can tell him you tried sticking with the main bedroom but as he didn't seem able to respect your stated need for sleep in there it's simpler all round for you to use the spare

I'll be in the spare room tonight trust me

OP posts:
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