Ended it with DP tonight

Hopefloats22 · 2022-09-15T21:45:00+00:00

17 yrs together and a DS14 but having repeatedly caught DP on hookup & dating sites time and again (by chance - he is careless) and finding condoms viagra and bdsm items in his washbag I had enough. I know ive done right thing but now feeling terrified… feel so devastated for my son.

bezzok · 15/09/2022 22:46

You're amazing!!!! Well done you
Wish I had your courage
You did the right thing and you deserved so much better than that idiot

blockpavingismynightmare · 15/09/2022 22:48

Now you can live an honest life and concentrate on better things rather than chasing this idiot who cares nothing for you OP

Annabananna1 · 15/09/2022 22:48

Stay strong.

glitterfarts · 15/09/2022 22:48

Don't be his doormat. Don't look back.

Teach your 14 yr old there are consequences for cheating and shitty behaviour.

Randomword6 · 15/09/2022 22:51

You have done a great thing, it is so hard so be very good to yourself.

Ihatethenewlook · 15/09/2022 22:54

He didn’t need to be careful after you let him get away with it the first time. He thought this day would never come. I hope your 14yo is ok, but also knows how his father destroyed his family unit by his actions

NotJustAnybody · 15/09/2022 23:34

There are times in life that you have to put yourself first and you've reached your absolute limit. Not sure how much your DS knows about what's going on, at 14, probably more than you realise. Don't be devastated for him and remember, you didn't do this. It's all on your DH. You are doing the right thing by him, showing him that it's not right to be treated that way. Onward and upwards. Your DS will grow into a stronger man for going through this if handled the right way.

PineOrange · 16/09/2022 00:14

Take care sweetheart.

You're worth a million of him.
Sending you strength.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 16/09/2022 00:22

💐you've done the right thing.

I would make sure DS knows the basics of why as well, you don't need a young teen getting it into their mind that it's you fault!

now you have to do the really hard part & not get back together!!

don't do it, promises are cheap, he'll never follow through!!

drippyavecdrip · 16/09/2022 00:33

Ihatethenewlook · 15/09/2022 22:54

He didn’t need to be careful after you let him get away with it the first time. He thought this day would never come. I hope your 14yo is ok, but also knows how his father destroyed his family unit by his actions

Why do some people feel the need to stick the knife in?? Leave the OP alone. She didn't ask your opinion, she was looking for support.

Good luck OP and let your DS know as much or as little as you feel appropriate. Your DS will be ok, you are demonstrating to him how to be a strong person.

You and DS are going to be fine, and fuck me mate you are best rid. He can still be a good Dad regardless. But you definitely shouldn't be feeling any guilt about this.
Good luck

SortingItOut · 16/09/2022 06:13

Its understandable to feel terrified, its a huge life change.

Would it help to write out what you're terrified of and we'll give you support?

You've done the right thing.
He's a knob,if he wasn't happy with your sex life or wanted to have sex with others he should have spoken to you and got your views on it and if you didn't agree the relationship could have ended before he cheated.

Aprilx · 16/09/2022 06:26

Good for you, well done. You have done your son a favour too, he will still have his dad, but he has learned you don’t need to put up with someone that treats you badly.

Ihatethenewlook · 16/09/2022 07:18

drippyavecdrip · 16/09/2022 00:33

Why do some people feel the need to stick the knife in?? Leave the OP alone. She didn't ask your opinion, she was looking for support.

Good luck OP and let your DS know as much or as little as you feel appropriate. Your DS will be ok, you are demonstrating to him how to be a strong person.

You and DS are going to be fine, and fuck me mate you are best rid. He can still be a good Dad regardless. But you definitely shouldn't be feeling any guilt about this.
Good luck

Show quote history

You’ve completely taken my post the wrong way. I was pointing out that some women put up with this shit forever and never leave. There’s 3 threads active now where the ops are going through unbelievable shit but you can clearly tell they’re not going to do anything about it. The ops found the strength to do that and I was trying to point out he’s never going to change as he’s done it again and again.

unaflor · 19/12/2022 11:54

Ihatethenewlook · 16/09/2022 07:18

You’ve completely taken my post the wrong way. I was pointing out that some women put up with this shit forever and never leave. There’s 3 threads active now where the ops are going through unbelievable shit but you can clearly tell they’re not going to do anything about it. The ops found the strength to do that and I was trying to point out he’s never going to change as he’s done it again and again.

Show quote history

Which part of your post could be taken the right way? You blame OP for staying in the first place, even though it's not uncommon for women to want to save a marriage that includes children. You hope the child is ok but not her. I don't see anything resembling a, "Good on you for finding the courage to leave."

Speaking of which, OP: Good on you for finding the courage to leave. Keep reminding yourself that you ARE doing what is best for both you and your son. Children pick up a disturbing amount from their parents/environment and you don't want your son to turn out like his father. If your son is mature enough, have a conversation with him about your sincere regret that the decision to leave impacts his life and that you want him to be able to talk to you if there is anything you can do to help minimize the disruption for him. This could be a teachable moment too: if people hurt you repeatedly and don't change their behavior, you have to prioritize your own well-being because they're clearly not going to do it for you.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2022 13:41

Well done
pleaxe believe that you son will be ok in the end
a happy mum is critical

he will also grow up and realise what his dad did

and well done !!!! It’s a slow road but trust me
you are going to be so happy you did this one day

xxx

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2022 13:43

destroyed his family unit by his actions

family units are overrated

between a family in more units than a family with a mum who’s on constant knife edge and feeling inadequate
all
the
time

hugefanofcheese · 19/12/2022 20:15

It's understandable you feel completely upended but in time you will feel so much happier and relaxed knowing you're not giving love, security and time to a cheat. You just need to get through this first bit. Can you get your friends or family around you?

Agreed with others, 14 is old enough to understand the reason for the split, in an appropriate way, that is to say, calmly, without excessive detail. He will be confused and at least this will be a clear explanation and a good example of how to treat others in a relationship.