Do I want too much from life??

[ajinek]

Good afternoon,

I have been wondering lately if I am really expecting too much from my life. I have 3 kids that are my everything, relationship of 13 years that is not working any more and live in a rented flat I don't really like.

Our relationship has never been perfect but it became very toxic over the last 1,5 years. Alcohol, weed, name calling, neglecting family, hanging around with strange people.. I have already asked him if we could break up but he never thinks I am serious. He claims I am constantly complaining about everything, that I should be grateful that he goes to work and brings money and we have a good life and I don't need to care about what he does in his spare time. Of course I do care because he doesn't spend much time with the kids. I can't get over how much he hurt me, I can't stand him when he behaves like an idiot, it makes me so angry. I was pregnant last year and wanted to enjoy it as it was my last baby but instead he was name calling me and coming home drunk. Things got slightly better recently but I don't want to carry on as I don't see us having future together. I can't rely on him, trust him.. There is always couple of good days when I think 'yeah, maybe we can try to make it better', then here we go, he lets me or the kids down again.

Surely there must be more in life than this? I am slowly looking for a new place to rent as he will never leave. It's breaking my heart, not because I love him, I don't think I do any more, but because we won't be a complete family😔

Who is named on the tenancy agreement?.

Your children and you are already a family unit so do not think that the addition of him would make your family any more complete. He by his very presence is making things far worse than they should be. He is a drunkard and an addict; to him his additions come first and you people will never get a look in. He only remains with you because you otherwise look after him. If there is no trust now, there is no relationship. Your children too cannot afford to learn such crap lessons about relationships either.

I would consider contacting Womens Aid as they too could help you further. You may want to look into obtaining both non molestation and occupation orders against him.

I have already asked him if we could break up

You make your decision and then you tell him, you don't ask.

Don't ask him, tell him.
Sort out the accommodation for you and the dc and send the partner on his way.

Been in the exact same position as you except had two children abs our house was a joint mortgage. I used to say we need to separate and was always ignored. Mine used to say he will fight to the end for custody of our son. Used to terrify me.
I left our house as he wouldn’t. Moved into a two bedroom Shoe box flat. Stayed until the house was sold then eventually managed to buy my own house.
It was hard hit even on my worst possible day it was never as bad as living with him. Now he sees our son once a week max. Do it somehow you will be happier in the end. Xx

A man with 3 dependant children thinks having a job is being a great father and partner, seriously?
Start looking for somewhere else to live. Then when you find somewhere and agree the tenancy leave him. You don’t owe him any explanation.
Things will improve for you.

You don't have to ask him to split up. You don't need his permission or agreement.

And you will still be a 'complete family' just you and the DCs. I was a single parent for a few years, and it never occurred to me that we weren't 'complete' when it was just me and DCs.

Alcohol, weed, name calling, neglecting family, hanging around with strange people..

Not really the behaviours of a responsible parent are they?
You don’t have to ask him to separate, you have the choice. Your life will be so much better without the crap he brings into it.

@AttilaTheMeerkat we are both on the tenancy agreement. I have already spoken to Women's Aid, they offered me some advice, thank you

@Penguinsaregreat yeah, that's what he thinks is enough. To bring money home from work. It's not like he would be working till night and we lived in luxury.

I am definitely looking for a new place and leaving him

You need to look at this from a different perspective OP.

He is the single cause of everything that is negative in your life and it will be affecting your children watching how you live and seeing how he devalues you and they will learn from this and live the same if you do not break this chain.

Life can be great when you are happy and free

I have already asked him if we could break up but he never thinks I am serious.

Stop asking, stop talking to him about it at all. Your only concern should be getting your children out of the horrible, toxic and abusive environment.