Am I right to feel pissed off

[ipreferthecat]

My boyfriend is in the military and is currently deployed , has weekends free and the evenings but not near enough to commute back

I unexpectedly had to work at the weekend and it was my birthday in the week

I feel slightly cross that he didn't even send me a card or send me something online as we couldn't be together although we are due to celebrate when he gets back

He also isn't speaking to me after I went out after work for a few drinks because I didn't pick up my phone , I did message him back but I didn't see the missed call

I think he is cross because I had to go away with work and stayed in a hotel a few weeks ago

And he saw that I was wearing red underwear under a white shirt as it didn't show up that much , he didn't see the outline he just video called me when I was getting changed and was cross I was wearing special underwear when I was working

He should like an absolute knob.

@Pollydon
I fear that he is

Put your posts in the past tense - and this can become the take of why you ditched your ex!

The *tale

@ipreferthecat Much of the behaviour you have mentioned sounds a lot like my exp , who was in the end abusive and also cheating on me whilst accusing me of cheating on him. Its uncanny , especially the bit about not being happy that you had to go away with work . I also got accused of showing off my bra under my work uniform.

Anyway I left mine over 30 years ago , please dont put up with this shit.

This man sounds like a controlling nut job. You know this, right?

What do they call it?

Self-projecting!

What do you mean 'are you right'?

Who makes the rules about what you ought to feel in any given situation?

@Watchkeys that is a good point well made 😊

You be you @ipreferthecat All the time. Be faithful to your feelings. If you're pissed off, that's an expression from your heart of who you are. Nothing you can do about it, and nor should you, even if 100 people come here (or anywhere) and tell you you're wrong.

What you can do something about is how you act on it. So, you may want to poke his eyes out with a spoon, but you can choose to say 'I'm not happy, so I'm leaving you.' instead. Respecting your feelings, and respecting your dignity.

@Watchkeys

That really is wonderful advice and well written

Something I will take on board for sure for this and other situations

All that aside, why wear red underwear under white clothing? I don't get that bit.

@blockpavingismynightmare I only had that or black and it showed up less

Not sure if this was OP’s reason, but sometimes your bra is part of your outfit. The underwear/outerwear binary isn’t everyone’s cup of sartorial tea.

Cross post. 😊

You can wear whatever colour underwear you want. This isn’t a Handmaid’s Tale.

He is a controlling cunt and likely to become more cuntish.

He sounds like a pr*ck. Not hard to send you something from online even just a card and an IOU.

Best way to think about it is, if he wanted to he would.

Sorry to be blunt about it but hey, he's in the army and you're out here. Know which side of the break up I'd rather be on!

If his name begins with R and you have met his friend who lives over the road from his parents (the friend is a woman, me in fact) who worked until recently in a shop in the village where you live beginning with S in the Midlands, he has been cheating on you since day one. He is a serial shagger which is why his wife left him. Never with me FYI, I told him he is a shit heel and that is why he no longer speaks to me.

I just didnt know if I should, or how I could, tell you.

If it isnt him, doesnt matter, he sounds like a complete cunt who you should leave.

Bloody hell 🫢

@PyongyangKipperbang
This isn't him thankfully I think but I am agog with curiosity !

The relationship sounds like a pile of shite. I'm puzzled why you want to stay in it.