Lack of sex in 2 year relationship

[Ellbelle]

hey
I’m 23, partner is 27
i’ve been with my partner for coming up to 2 years, and we have recently welcomed a beautiful baby. Everything is perfect but our sex life. We’ve never had overly passionate sex but when we did have it, it was good and was also a lot more frequent . It then went downhill after about 6 months but thought it may just be a rough patch as every other aspect of our relationship was amazing, fell pregnant had a hard pregnancy being very ill, so of course sex stopped all together. Since having my son I am now feeling up for sex but it seems my partner is just not interested. I’ve mentioned this about 4 times now explaining how I feel and we argue, make up have sex then a week later we’re back in the same position. I also feel like we only have sex the nights we have the arguments because he feels like he has to. I’m starting to feel like a broken record. He has told me he has a low sex drive, this may be true but I can’t get my head around it. He’s also not great at complimenting me (especially after having a baby) . I went out for the first time with the girls not long ago and he rolled his eyes at me dressed up and didn’t even say that I looked nice etc. it’s all adding up and making my self esteem go rapidly down hill. We went away a couple of weeks ago for the first time as a family, and nothing happened, no sex. After 9 months of no sex I feel it isn’t normal to not finally want it with your partner. Baring in mind we are super lucky and our son is a brilliant sleeper. He also gets up so early at the weekend and goes to the gym, I say to him I’d like to lay in bed together and cuddle etc but he isn’t interested. He doesn’t seem interested in doing what differentiates us from being friends into more than friends, but says he loves me, wants to marry me and be with me for the rest of his life? I don’t know how much longer I can take feeling like this. I used to be such a confident person and now I feel the complete opposite and cannot help but blame it on this. He’s a good man and an amazing dad but I want to feel wanted and fancied and right now I don’t

Don’t even contemplate marrying him. Sounds like you are sexually incompatible and you’ll continue feeling unattractive. I’d consider ending it - even though everything else sounds good being in a sexless relationship takes it’s toll. I know from personal experience!

Don't marry him. The lack of sex could be for many reasons, maybe having a baby has changed his feelings about the relationship, maybe he doesn't fancy you any more, maybe he isn't that bothered about sex, maybe he never really was but he made a bit of an effort because it was a new relationship. The only way you will know is if he tells you. Things are likely to get worse rather than better so again, don't marry him.

Some men struggle with seeing a woman as a sexual partner once they've had a child. They're now a 'mother', and therefore out of bounds. Could this be something like that?

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/12/01/men-see-partners-as-mothers-not-lovers-after-birth_n_1122767.html

Leave I’m coming out of a sexless marriage he’s never been that bothered the last few years I’ve stopped fancying him meds is one reason but I just think not interested as well. Or too into anal which I refused to do. It won’t get any better it will eat away at you, sorry to say such negative things but it’s the truth. Don’t be me 15 years down the line.

You've met, got pregnant and had a baby all within 2 years. It's a lot op. And this is not judgement because I did similar although not as young as you - and it was too much too soon with a man I didn't know well enough to know if we were truly compatible. You're only 23. Don't be me!

So you fell pregnant within months of getting involved with this person? Before you had established a stable relationship based on compatability?

If you're only 23 or even if you are 43, best to move on. Do you want to be tied to this sort of relationship for the next 50 years ?? He's not going to change.

He isn't a good man. Rolling his eyes at you and making you feel bad about yourself? That isn't love.

If you stay with him it will destroy you.