Old - being the back up

[dontputitthere]

Wallowing through old at the moment. Just want some perspective.

Matched with a guy. He responded straight away with a general nice comment but said he can't do more than one conversation at a time and he's just had a nice date so wants to see where it goes. And if it doesn't he'll come back to me

One part of me thinks that's quite respectful. Giving his attention to one person.

But the other (perhaps more childish side) is thinking I can't see it developing into anything serious because I'll always feel like the back up.

I've been burned badly on the old merry go round so I'm perhaps a bit jaded.

I've had similar texts before and replied positively. But I'm so fed up with old I just want to Chuck him back in and unmatch. But is that just cutting my nose off to spite my face?

Maybe chocolate is the answer...

Dump now don’t even go there. Oh and get the chocolate out and a book.

Hm. In some ways I think it's a good thing?!
It's not a reflection on you as he'd already met her.

Not as bad as the blokes leading a million people on at once

I know it's easy to take it as being a back up, but he's never met you? So he lost the chance to find out how fabulous you are, that's his hard luck. Try not to take it personally but I would unmatch. There will be someone who can't wait to meet you.

I was the same as him. Once I talked to one person I just talked to that person till it was established if we would meet up etc. I think it is sweet and if you do get to meet him you will know if he wants to see you again as he seem a fairly upfront person.

I agree. I'd only taken it personally if he'd dated you both equally and was favouring the other person (Even then it wouldn't be a bad reflection of you more that they may have been more compatible).

However, I've also had this before and I do wonder why someone is active on an app and swiping through other women if he's met someone he wants to focus on.

Either focus on one person or multi-date depending on your preference, but why claim to focus on one person while collecting a pool of people in the background for if/when it all goes wrong

Ah thank you all. The chocolate has been deployed...

I know I'm taking it personally. It's bloody hard not to with old!

And yes weirdly I'd have more respect for him that he's not chatting to just everyone. It's how I like to do it.

I guess @essex956 that's just it. If he was committed to someone he wouldn't still be on there swiping and matching? Why match with me if he's just started dating someone? I think it's that niggly feeling that he's doing and saying all the right things but still keeping his options open.

Actually now my second thought is also why is he still there. After my first date I deactivated my account as wanted to focus on one person.

Deactivating after 1 date might be a bit fast but why swipe, match and message to tell someone you're not interested cos you're chatting to someone else

When it happened to me I thought it was game playing. 50% of matches don't match so surely he didn't have to message at all? I wondered if guys think it makes them look trustworthy then they'll be back in a couple of weeks leading you to believe they're focussed fully on you.