Should we break up? Advice please

[tuttifruit]

Hi, need some outside opinions as I don't feel like I can talk about this to anyone in real life. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years, we live together but just renting. No kids but have a dog. Really torn on whether to end the relationship or not - everything is good on paper and he's a great guy but we argue a lot about pointless things and our sex life has been dwindling for 2 years, now it's got to the point where we probably only have sex once every couple of months. We've talked about it on a number of occasions but nothing seems to change, it just feels like the spark is gone and I don't know if/how we can get it back. We are mid-late twenties and the thought of breaking up is heart wrenching because he is my best friend and we have built a life together. but I don't know how much longer I can cope and worried there's no hope. Is it time to call it a day?

Ask yourself this: are you up for another 20 years of this? Because now is the time to make a change if the answer is no. I know it's so hard leaving the known for the unknown, but I wish I had left my ex years before I actually did. I was just scared. My favourite Mandela quote: may your decisions reflect your hopes and not your fears. Good luck

Yes, you should split up. You’re still young but it sounds like your relationship has run its course - at least from a romantic perspective. There’s nothing to stop you being friends once the dust has settled but the fact that, at your age and without the normal excuses of small children, huge work stress etc, you’re having sex so infrequently strongly suggests that what made you a couple has gone. The arguing a lot about pointless things is probably really about you both knowing it’s over but being unsure what to do about it.

Completely agree . Good luck OP x

Agree with the others. You're too young to settle for this. You'll have other best friends and most definitely find a more compatible partner who is more than your best friend. It will be sad to part, but it doesn't have to be heartbreaking when it's the right thing to do. You've had a good run, but it's going nowhere and kinder to you both to move on rather than get stuck just because of sunk costs.

I think the relationship has run its course

Is there a reason the spark has gone? Do you still find him attractive? Or do you see him more as a friend now? I’ve been in a relationship but only for 2 years and having the same thoughts as you!

Thanks for the replies everyone, that's a really nice quote. I think I was secretly hoping you would say it's normal and there is still a chance it could work but sadly you're probably right. Deep down I think we both feel the same way so agree that's why we argue. Absolutely petrified of leaving, I would feel so lost. I don't even know if I could find somewhere else to rent with a dog with just my budget :(

See your next big birthday do you yourself happy enjoying life or misery like this? I’d be leaving you can do this.

I'm not sure, I think it's a combination of living together/lockdown/seeing each other all the time, and also the arguments and lack of sex has just made it feel more like a chore than a relationship. I still think he's attractive but not as much as I used to. The thought of him being with someone else kills me though