Nice house but toxic father what to do?

[Tirnipd]

I’m in a mess. Small dc and found a lovely house a five min walk from my parents. I am a single mum. I currently live in a small house which is cramped.

Having gone through the process and sorted finance, I realise just how toxic the environment is when near my father. He is a verbal bully and used to physically abuse me as a child. We get on at a distance but I am worried about being in close proximity. He’s very selfish so won’t turn up etc but I just wonder if I will be able to feel free from him and my mum while living so close by? When I’m there will I feel I have enough mental space? I don’t know if I’m imagining problems I just mentally sometimes like that im an hour away, even though like I say, he would never just turn up, too self involved.

I will not find a house like this again for a long time as the rate is now set and they’ve since gone up.

I can’t stand my father and to some extent my mum but the house is a good investment. I’m so conflicted.

This seems like a triggered response in you to the thought of being that close to your abusive father. It's perfectly normal to react this way.

The issue here is not that he would turn up at your house but what happens if you or your children go there. Are your boundaries strong enough to deal with such an aggressive person? Your mother might want to see or even look after your children at her house.

Perhaps it's worth the wait for another house to make you feel safe?

@Dacquoise i don’t feel unsafe and I am ok regarding dc as I have separate childcare, they don’t go to my parents.

it’s definitely a mental thing like I’m triggered thinking they are so close by even though I know they wouldn’t turn up. They’re both very very self involved. I am so confused as financially it’s a better move and a much nicer house.

If it affected you this much and you're not living there yet.... will you actually be happy in the house?

I would think really carefully about this. We used to live a short walk from my in-laws… it was bad enough when we sort of got on, but our relationship deteriorated massively, and towards the end of us living there I was actually worried about leaving the house in case I bumped into them. I worried about them coming round: I worried about them talking to the neighbours about me, I worried about seeing them at the local shop, the post office… I really don't think it's worth it, OP.

Another "Don't Do It" from me. It's just not worth it. Your home is the one place in the world you're supposed to be able to relax in.

This. No house is going to make up for how you feel about your father.

There will be other houses. This one isn't for you.

There will indeed be other houses. This is not the house for you.

Would you feel on edge, thinking you might bump into them on the street etc? How would you feel if your new neighbours turned out to know/be friendly with your parents?