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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I miss my Nan and grandad so much

9 replies

stillvicarinatutu · 14/09/2022 05:24

They died in 2004 but my god I miss them. They brought me up . (Until I 7 )

I never had a sand pit so grandad used to empty all the wet tea leaves into a tray and id use egg cups and make tea leaf castles!

I used to follow my grandad every where - he never got a minutes peace bless him. He's go for an afternoon nap and I'd go with him and make him make up silly stories or read spike Milligan poems , or he would make his own up . I used to sleep between my Nan and grandad. I'd read the encyclopaedia books on butterflies and moths . I loved dinosaurs too ! I got away with absolute murder . My Nan took me all over with her - she was a tailoress- so she took me to all her ladies . Grandad was a dartboard maker and he would take me to the wood yard and when he delivered his dartboards I was always with him . I'd make him dig up the garden for worms and creepy crawlies cos they fascinated me . They were just fabulous. I found a pic of me and my Nan on my wedding day today - she wouldn't have photos taken so it's a rare find .
They brought me up until my mother took me from them . My childhood after that wasn't so good . But I had the best start . I was absolutely free to do whatever I wanted . I remember finding a toad once and wanted to keep it as a pet - so grandad made a pond and planted it in an old Victorian pram . But the toad wouldn't eat . We dug up worms but he would t take them . And my grandad said I had a choice - let him go and live , or keep him till he died .

He would have let me do either . But I let him go.

I hated school because all my lessons were at home . They just let me make choices for myself and guided me to make the right ones , but never told me what to do .

I miss them so much . I'm alone now - have been for a long time but lived alone now for 3 years and I crave their wisdom, care , love and advice .

I was in essence their youngest child.

My mother spoilt it all when I was 7 when she married a nasty drunk abusive Neanderthal and took me to live with them , it certainly ruined my relationship with my grandad because by the time I went back I was a teenager and we didn't really know how to be around each other . But my Nan was always the same . I loved her dearly .

I'm 50 now and lost . I jiust want them and their wisdom. I dream about them all the time . They were to all intents and purposes my mum and dad .

Now when I'm having g a shite time - I don't t have anyone to
Go to .
I'm just waffling. Lonely and alone and missing family connections I think.

Even the bloody dogs have left me tonight . I must be channeling miserable!

Anyway that feels better. Just getting it out there . Writing it down . Got some dilemmas at min so feeling it .

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 14/09/2022 05:31

Ah! They sound amazing!

I’m so sorry you had such a shit time and that you were saddled with inadequate parents. It just isn’t fair.

I really hope things get better for you soon. At 50 you have a lot of life left. I’m a year ahead of you x

UnusualJobForAWoman · 14/09/2022 08:09

The start of life can be the most important, you were very fortunate to have such loving grandparents. A few good years at the beginning, can be better for you then many years later on… some people never experience that kind of love at all.

The love of a grandparent is often more special because they have gained more wisdom and experience to impart to you than average age parents. Children brought up this way can often have a more grown up view of the world, almost like their development has leapfrogged a few years.

Those years perhaps prepared you for what was to come later, with you mum, and what is here now.

Do you think you might be a similar age to the ages they were when you were 7?
The mind blowing thing being - you are now probably just as wise and kind as they were then, especially after their good example, those teachings can stay with you for life.

You can pass it forward, take a young person under your wing who needs it, there is just as much pleasure in giving as receiving. I had a similar upbringing to you, and had the good fortune to take some time children of relatives… and the joy of those memories came back, except the roles were reversed this time. The pleasure came from vicariously living through the wonder and happiness in those children’s eyes when I introduced them to something lovely - just generally being treated and cared for and lots of affection.

The love those children gave back still warms my heart to this day… they do grow so fast. I believe I made a difference. You can, too. The wheel of life.

Your grandparents most likely had their own people who they missed that used to guide them and support them. The fabulous thing is, you have now reached the place of mentor, whether you realise it or not, it’s a great opportunity.

I feel your pain, I still sometimes cry for my grandparent… and I then comfort myself how lucky I was to have even just those years at all. The memories fill me with gratitude, and that can reduce the pain. If you can, you can give in charity in their name, you can still give them a gift! I live in the hope we will meet again one day, in a beautiful place. It’s not necessarily the end. 💐

FireworksDisplay · 14/09/2022 16:14

How are you feeling this afternoon @stillvicarinatutu ?

stillvicarinatutu · 14/09/2022 19:46

Hi - I'm ok thanks for asking. I was really lucky because my relationship with them was unique- I think after 5 kids to practice on they were perfect with me Wink . I remember feeling orphaned when they died. I think I'm just having a bit of a wobble generally with life and they always made me feel better. Somehow when my Nan said "it'll all come out in the wash" I felt instantly that it would ! My mother once told me I was the apple of my grandads eye , while simultaneously robbing me of that relationship. ( I wasn't allowed to see them for several years )
I'll live ! Could just do with that cushion of love and warmth that they gave me .

OP posts:
sittingonacornflake · 14/09/2022 19:51

@UnusualJobForAWoman what a lovely post, thank you for sharing your wisdom.

To the OP, Flowers

OrangeFlowersAreLovely · 14/09/2022 19:59

This is sad, but lovely xx

TacCat49 · 14/09/2022 20:40

What a fabulous tribute to your grandparents.

stillvicarinatutu · 14/09/2022 20:45

As bonkers as it sounds I think this is the queens fault 😊. Going and dying when she was a national institution.

OP posts:
UnusualJobForAWoman · 15/09/2022 08:18

sittingonacornflake · 14/09/2022 19:51

@UnusualJobForAWoman what a lovely post, thank you for sharing your wisdom.

To the OP, Flowers

My pleasure. x

There is a grandparent whom you miss?

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