Just need a bit of a vent really, not sure I’m AIBU or not. Possibly a bit of a long one.
My older sister age 32 has had a lot of problems through life, had mental health issues and issues with drugs and alcohol. She was sectioned for a long time and has only just recently come out of hospital. 3 years ago we lost our mum to cancer, she had problems before then but it got worse. 2 years ago she gave birth to my niece, continued using drugs through the pregnancy even though she had a lot of support services in place, resulting in my niece being taken off her and adopted.
I’ll add now that I work as a therapist in mental health and also previously worked as a substance misuse worker, me and my sister are polar opposites. I’ve worked really hard to get to where I have despite having my own difficulties. Last year I had 3 miscarriages and my long term partner left me whilst I was having my 3rd one.
My sister is out of hospital now and doing a lot better however is still currently living with my dad and trying to get her life back on track which is great and I do get on with her and speak to her etc. My dad is fully consumed by giving her his full attention and there’s always a lot of discussion around her and what she’s got going on, but if I ever try to talk with my dad about how I feel and the trauma I’ve been through he doesn’t give this the same weighting or acknowledgement and will come out with statements like “you’re a strong independent woman”, which in a lot of ways is true but everything I’ve gone through has left me with with a lot of grief and low self-esteem, I just deal with things in a different way to my sister.
Tonight he commented on me being “distant”. I’ve been having therapy for all of the issues which I think is bringing it all to the surface. I do feel resentment as I do feel I get treated differently from my sister by my dad, my sister gets wrapped in cotton wool whereas if I ever bring up my trauma (which I don’t actually bring it up with them that often because I think I’ve learnt to suppress it due to being used to my sisters issues overshadowing everything) it falls largely by the wayside. My sister also said to me the other week that I’ve been very lucky in life, I don’t view it like that because everything good I’ve got going I’ve worked really hard for, and I would hardly call having 3 miscarriages whilst my relationship breaks down lucky.
Although she has been Ill as well there have been many times over the years she could have helped herself more than she did. Although I would have never have wished anything bad to happen to my niece there’s also some resentment there because she was able to have a healthy baby whilst using drugs during the pregnancy whereas I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing anything anything to harm my pregnancies but I still lost them anyway.
I know it all seems very negative, there are some really great aspects of my life, good friends, own house good job. It’s just this part of my life I’m really struggling with even though I’m getting therapy theres still a lot of resentment there. Anyone else had to deal with a similar situation with family relationships?