Heartache at 44

[Singlemom8]

I’m now in my mid forties and I’m struggling with my relationship . We have three children together but live separately due to past difficulties. We we’re really happy together a few months ago but recent months he puts pressure on me, doesn’t seem to understand I’m tied up with the kids a lot of the time (they’re 13,12 and 10) and can’t just be there at his as and when. We had a falling out when he put a knife by my throat (apparently a joke , extremely odd sense of humour). I’m thinking of calling things off as he’s off on his own alot and I think he’s drowning his sorrows. But I really don’t like the idea of being on my own at 44. I feel like it’s too late in the day to start over. Plus I’m lonely. My friends are all married with their own families. I don’t like the fact I sit on my own night after night feeling heartbroken. How on earth do you cope with suddenly being single in your mid forties?? I’m thinking of begging him to come back but I’m not convinced he cares so it seems a bit fruitless really plus he’s really let me down

I'd rather be properly on my own than this half house bullshit you're enduring now. OMG, edit, I typed this before I read that he put a knife to your throat. Just end it now. He must have ground your confidence in to the gutter if you think that being single would somehow be less than this situation.

They're his kids are they? I would focus on your DC. They're in their early teens now and these next few years will really cement good relationships. At times I felt my young daughter was so boring but we have a great relationship now she's nineteen.

ps, read the recent thread about what's good about being single.

Being single is so much better than being with an abusive selfish drinker. I feel so sorry for women who don't get this.

So not only is he abusive, but he shirks his responsibilities by living elsewhere while you do the dirty work.
FUCK that.

We had a falling out when he put a knife by my throat (apparently a joke , extremely odd sense of humour).

A falling out ???? He held a knife to your throat ffs.
This is no joke, it’s threatening, controlling behaviour. Why would you want to be involved with a man like this?

Knife to your throat?
And this is the man you want to beg to come back.
At 44 - you make it sound like your life is finished.
People date, get married, and some still have children at your age.

Apart from being unhinged. Why do you what to be with someone who deserted his three children to be drowning his sorrows by himself? Just so you have a male-shaped person at your house at night?
I think you can find better male-shaped companions on Tinder.

He put a knife to your throat?
You say it in and amongst.. as if this is not some serious fucking,shit.

Wow! In the nicest possible way - 'raise the bar'!!! This man is awful.

The children are his too, right? But he's fed up with you being tied up doing things with them? Then he needs to jump into 'family life' and roll his sleeves up

• as a co-parent btw, not as a DH or partner because:

No one, not a single decent person, EVER EVER holds a knife to a loved one's throat, that's the deal breaker right there - I don't care if it was a supposed joke. Wrong, just completely and utterly wrong. Get rid, there are better men out there or just be alone - and safe!

The knife to the throat and the fact he lives elsewhere so does a tiny fraction of parenting and chores... Confide in a trusted friend or family member and start the beginning of your new life.

Oh no this doesn't sound safe for you, physically or emotionally. You deserve so much more, OP.

It can be hard dealing with loneliness, but honestly it's so much better than being with someone who is harmful to you. Please call Women's Aid to help you gain perspective on your relationship.

It's tough out there in the dating world but I'm a few years older than you and have met someone lovely. It is possible, and more importantly, you can learn to appreciate your safety and independence with or without a partner.....as long as you're not held back by someone who is so fucked up they threaten with knives for a joke.

Please call Women's Aid.

You need a hobby, get out exercising or do a course. Get yourself through this break up and get rid. A knife to your throat as a joke? Wtf

well I’ve decided to knock it on the head if he can’t be nice to me. He’s very clever and turning things round to sound like they’re my fault in some way. The thing is I’ve been off work since covid so am stuck at home quite isolated for ages now so that all this stuff just goes round and round in my head and I only have him to talk to on a regular basis. He’s a bit Jekyl and Hyde really nice saying nice things, buying me flowers one time then another time being pretty horrible really. Anyway I’m trying to get my life together I’ve decided if he can’t be nice then I’m going to distance myself. I’m taking up some voluntary work until I can get a job and I’ve taken up ballet again as this was something I loved in my teens ❤️

Take a lover, whose bigger than him.

Phone the police if he ever puts a knife to your throat again.
Don't minimise his threats.